Turkish Beginnings (Part 2)

          I meant to post this the day after my last one, but life has gotten into the way. This past week has been extremely busy as I have finally caught up on school work, attended many Spiritual Life week events, had a awareness day for Congo and gathering student signatures in support of our resolution, skyping with dear friends, visiting my cousin Cara in Washington D.C. and much more. So now I want to go back a few weeks and write about my time in Turkey.
          My group successfully made our way across Istanbul by tram, ferry, foot, and bus to the local Istanbul airport and got on our flight to Diyarbakir, Turkey in the southeastern part of the country. Diyarbakir is a large city of over a million people and felt much more Middle Eastern than the European city of Istanbul. The city had a much more authentic, traditional feel to it than Istanbul. Three members of the CPT team, along with a Kurdish delegate member met us in Diyarbakir, where we first had a time of introductions before dinner and a meeting with a local organization.
          So first I need to write a little about the situation of Kurds living in Turkey. This information comes from the people we met while in Diyarbakir, as well as some news sources I have come across. There as been an armed struggle between the Kurdish and Turkish government for the last 30 years, which has included 3,000-5,000 Kurdish villages being emptied, as well as countless lives lost, economic sanctions, and much more. One of the main complaints of the Kurdish people living in Turkey is that they want to teach their children in their native language, but are not allowed. School systems are now offering Kurdish as a second language, but only giving children the chance to speak it a couple hours a week. The harsh conditions against the Kurds in Turkey have led many to protest. However, speaking out for the Kurdish cause can lead to arrest. Since 2009, 10,000 people have been put in prison for working for the Kurdish cause.  I would encourage you to read about the local hunger strike going on in the prisons and the protests it is causing. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-20138995 and http://www.bianet.org/english/human-rights/141611-a-scream-of-self-inflicted-pain
          The local organization we met with was working on behalf the children who had been displaced. When villages are emptied, the people move to the cities to try to find work. However, work is hard to come by and it seems to be the children who suffer most. We saw many children out on the street begging during our time in Diyarbakir. The organization then tries to help children deal with conflict and create centers for the children.
          The next morning we met over a delicious Turkish brunch with a social worker is facing 18 years in prison. She told us a lot of the horrible situation in Turkey and her own views on the Turkish government, as well as feminism and other topics. I was just amazed at her story and her humbleness as well as hope. She did not want us to use her name when telling her story because her story is not unusual...she is just one of many facing prison, but she was lucky enough to be waiting trial outside of prison instead of inside so she was able to meet with us and tell us her story. She really was an amazing person who believed it was her duty to work for her people and their rights despite of the terrible consequences she faces. I felt so blessed to have been able to interact with her and learn from her.
          The rest of the day was spent exploring the city walls of Diyarbakir, looking out towards the Tigris River (the birthplace of civilization!), playing with kids on the streets, and eating amazing food  while getting to know the people in my delegation. The next day was spent traveling by a public bus (really nice bus I must say) along the Syrian border to begin the next phase of our journey into Iraqi Kurdistan.

Turkish Beginnings (part 1)

          I find myself finding excuses not to update my blog. Although these excuses (mid-term exams and make-up work) are legitimate, I realize the need to continue to process my trip. I thought as time went along, it would be easier. However, I am not finding that to be the case. Even now when I am completely over my jet-lag and back into the swing of school, I find it hard to find the words to write of my life-changing experience. What could I possibly write to convey the vastness of my trip and feelings? But I shall try and what better place to begin than the beginning of my trip.
          My trip began with a nine hour flight from Washington D.C. to Dulles. Not looking forward to this leg of the journey, I was pleasantly surprised to start off the flight with an engaging conversation with the man sitting next to me. The following is my journal entry from that flight:

"Plane ride has been good so far. I am sitting next to a Serbian sculptor. He is 72 and has really been a joy to sit next to. He told me how travel is necessary to understand the world and gave me advice to stay in school as long as I can. He talked about when he was a student and didn't know what to after ward, his teacher told him to go straight ahead. Straight ahead was a brick, windowless wall. His teacher said he needed to forget all what he learned and find a way to go straight ahead. He told me that I will come to this wall and will need to find a way to go ahead. When I told him I want to work for peace, he seemed worried about me being able to find a job and actually make a difference. He told me how the optimism goes away after college. He also told me about a friend of his who was an activist and ended up jailed by the US military. He told me to go into this work I need to be strong. He asked me how I've tested myself... I didn't know how to answer and he told me to hit a police officer and go to jail. He then proceeded to tell me of the five months he had spent in jail, the people he had met, and how he never regretted that experience. When he talks he seems to have such a joy, for lack of a better word. His English isn't perfect but you can tell he really loves talking to people and also loves his work as a sculptor. I felt so blessed to have been able to talk to him."

The flight did not seem so long because of this conversation, a couple hours of sleep, movies, and delicious meals (I highly recommend Turkish Airlines!) and soon I arrived in Istanbul. After meeting another member of my delegation at the airport, we caught a cab to our hostel and met the rest of the group minus one person who had been denied entry into Turkey. (He was supposed to be one of the co-leaders of the trip, but another CPTer stepped up into this bit of responsibility.) We ate dinner in a cafe outside the famous Hagia Sophia and made plans for the next day to get to the other Istanbul airport where we had to catch a flight to Diyarbakir in Southeastern Turkey.
          

No words to express

          I have been back at EMU a little over two days now. My jet lag is becoming better (I slept until 7 instead of 4!) but I am finding it really hard to process my trip. Right now I find it hard to even think about Kurdistan because thinking about it makes me miss it. Somehow in those mountains I found a home and leaving this new home was really hard for me. I also find myself not quite sure to do with the stories and experiences...I feel like I changed but I don't even know how. I don't even know what to write. So instead of writing a new reflection, I am posting the words I read the last day in Kurdistan to the Kurdish press. Some of it might not make sense to those not familiar with the situation in Kurdistan, but I think it will be a good starting point. As the weeks go by, I plan on expanding and telling specific stories. Hopefully this will be a good way to process all that's happened and share all of the amazing things that I experienced.

"Welcome and thank you to all who have gathered here today. Christian Peacemaker Teams is human rights organization that is committed to building partnerships to transform violence and oppression. We have come on this delegation from the United States, Canada, the Netherlands, Sweden, Iraq, and Kurdistan to learn about the situation of the Kurdish people living in Iraq and Turkey as well as CPT’s work here in the region. Part of the CPT team is here with us today. These topics rarely make the news back in our home countries. We came to see the situation with our own eyes so we can take the information back to our home countries and communities and also to find ways that we can stand in solidarity with the Kurdish people to help bring about peace.

We began our journey in Diyarbikir, Turkey. There, we learned about the harassment and repression of Kurds living in Turkey.  We met with members of an organization who work with Kurdish children displaced by violence from the Turkish government and a social worker with the Diyarbikir municipality who is facing eighteen years in prison for working for her fellow Kurds within the Turkish borders.

After traveling into Iraqi Kurdistan we visited several villages along the border of Turkey and Iran. In these villages we learned about the international political situation. We saw several Turkish bases with tanks pointed at civilian houses. We learned of Turkish and Iranian cross border attacks on civilian populations. We met with village families who showed us the places where Iranian shells hit their houses as well as saw with our own eyes, the Iranian military bases on the mountains overlooking Iraqi Kurdistan. As we learned about the political situation, we saw the impact of the violence on individual, human lives, culture, agriculture, and the livelihood of the men, women, and children that live there. We met with the mayor of Sidakan and the media where we had a press conference about the IDP camps and situation of the villages. We met with a principal and teachers in the village of Sunnah near the border of Iran and learned of the perseverance to keep the school going despite of shellings and multiple displacements. We saw the fear, but also the bravery of the children and villagers. 

We learned about the presence of minority groups while visiting Hawler. We have spent the last few days of our trip here in Sulaimani. We learned about the demonstrations that took place in this city only last year. As we met with a local Mulah, we learned of the works of nonviolent action along with the stories of violence. We met with women activists promoting the rights of women. We visited the Anfal cemetery and museum. Yesterday, we met with three families of those killed during the demonstrations. We heard their story and saw their tears. (Some of them are here with us today demanding legal justice and the end of private negotiations. )

We all knew that violence and conflict takes place around the world, including in our own countries, but we did not know the specific situation here in Kurdistan. We now plan to take this information back to our home countries to share with our own communities the stories we have heard and the realities we have seen because we do not hear about them in our local media.As we leave this country we will to take with us the resilience of the villagers who rebuild their houses again and again after being bombed. We will take with us the bravery of the religious leaders who have tried to bring about peace through nonviolence. We will take with us the stories of the amazing hospitality we have felt by the Kurdish people we have encountered. We have been extremely blessed by our time here and want to take these stories of hope and peace back home." 

I carry your heart

          Time has flown so fast here. I cannot believe that tomorrow is my last full day in Iraq before I fly to Istanbul on Tuesday and DC on Wednesday. My time here has been so full of amazing experiences and people. I fell deeply in love with this land and culture. These coming weeks I will be sharing a lot of what I have done, the people I have met, and the current situation in Kurdistan. But for now I will leave you with a poem that has been running through my head these past days. Because I have been touched beyond words can say and the people I have met have become a part of me forever.

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
you go i go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
                                                             i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky if a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that' s keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

                                                       EE Cummings

AHHHH!!!!!

          In a day I will be on the plane taking me to Istanbul! AHHHHHH!!! I cannot believe that it is actually here! And I cannot believe all that I still need to do in the next 24 hours! I really don't have time to be updating my blog, but I am doing it anyways. This week has been stressful to say the least... I have come really close to tears on many occasions. My normal week is busy, but this has just been insane with meetings, packing, friends, and schoolwork. I still have to take a test tomorrow, which I am not prepared for! But I am trying to take it one step at a time with several deep breaths and Mumford and Sons to make it through. It is comforting to know that in just 24 hours I will finally be able to just sit back and relax on my flight before the craziness of my delegation begins.

         I am really excited for the trip; I know that it is going to be a life-changing experience. I am also so glad for all the support that I have gotten. So many people are praying for me; many I don't even know! Today in chapel the campus sent me off with the following blessing: "As God's Spirit calls and the community commissions, the servants of Christ are scattered in places of need throughout the world. We accept your service as an extension of this community and pledge our support. We join with you in seeking first the kingdom of God. Consider your assignment as God at work in you, ministering to human need. May you be given a deep love for those among whom you will serve, and may Christ be known through you in word and deed. Our prayers will be with you while you are absent from us." I am so blessed to be a part of a community who truly cares for me and supports me! I am also blessed with such a great family who has been so supportive and encouraging. And my friends have been amazing giving me hugs and support... I even talked to Krissy on the phone tonight, which really made my day. I still miss that girl and I wish that she could be a part of this adventure!

         Somehow writing down my blessings has calmed me down. Hopefully now I will be able to study with a clearer mind! But really thank you to everyone who is praying and supporting me... it truly means the world to me and this trip would not be possible without you! Keep me in your prayers these next weeks and I hope to write an update as soon as I get internet, although it could be a week or so. Turkey and Iraq, ready or not, HERE I COME!

Baghdad Burning

          I stayed up until 2am last night finishing Baghdad Burning. I really just wanted to get something done on Friday so I feel more accomplished going into another busy week. However, looking back on the decision, I do not think that staying up late to read about the terrible war in Iraq before trying to sleep was a good idea. My mind was and still is spinning from everything I read. And now I have an assignment to write a "2-3 page reaction paper to what this blog reveals about the nature of the war in Iraq; American goals in Iraq, humanitarian issues, etc." SInce this book was a blog and a way to learn about the country I am going to this week (!!!), I decided that the best way for me to write this reflection is with my own blog. (Mary, I hope that this is okay for your assignment; it should end up being the same length as a regular paper.) 

          The first thing that struck me about the book and the reason why I am so affected by the book is that Riverbend (the pseudonym used to keep her identity safe) made the situation a reality for me. The war began when I was only twelve years old and at that time, it did not seem real. I remember being angry at Bush for going to war, but I never thought of the war as something people were actually living through. The numbers of deaths and casualties were just numbers. Riverbend's blogs made me for the first time begin to understand the hell people in Iraq have had to live in since the U.S. declared war. Riverbend herself now seems like someone I personally know and if we would meet we would probably be friends. She is intelligent, brave, and passionate about her country and all human rights. Reading her story was like reading a friend's blog, and it truly broke my heart. 

          The main reason that the U.S. entered the war in Iraq was because Bush believed there were Weapons of Mass Destruction, although all the reports told otherwise. Even the United Nations told the U.S. not to invade Iraq. Riverbend included in her post from November 30, 2003 how the Associated Press and scoop.co.nz posted that the nuclear program in Iraq ended in 1991 and the weapons that had existed then had been secretly destroyed. Another reason that Riverbend discusses in her blog posts that the United States justified was trying to make connections between Iraq and 9/11. In reality, there are no connections between 9/11 and Iraq and the US government knows this. However, polls have shown that Americans do not know this and the US government has not tried to break these  misconceptions. Seeing how the US government used these excuses to destroy a country makes me so mad. I joined Riverbend in her hatred of President Bush when I read these words and here especially is when I felt a deep shame of being American. 

         I found it very interesting that Riverbend never does blame Americans or expresses her hate of Americans. She is able to separate the government and soldier's actions from all citizens. She does express her hate of Bush and Donald Rumsfeld and talks about her hatred of being occupied by a foreign army, but she is always careful to include that she does not hate America and recognizes some of the good people and universities that have come from America. I think that this was one reason that I was able to easily identify with her, because I could share her hatred. 

          Another outrageous aspect of the war, which I had not realized before was how the US occupation (or "liberation" as President Bush declared it) brought out the extremists and sent the country back in terms of women's rights and other human rights issues. Before the war, Riverbend discusses how Iraq was the most civilized country in the Middle East in terms of women's rights. Women made up over half the workforce and universities in Iraq before the war. They were educated and could for the most part act and dress in any way they wanted (within a conservative culture). However, without a working government, extremists were allowed to enter the country and most women were forced to stop working and could not go outside without a male escort or even a headscarf. For women, like Riverbend who had worked as a computer programer/network administrator, this is a huge step backward and violation of human rights. 

          Speaking of human rights abuses, the most haunting images that caused a lack of sleep last night came from the images of US and British soldiers in Abu Graib. I remember this scandal, but since I had been so young, I had never learned all of the scandal. Riverbend talked about her hate so strongly and I feel that same hatred coursing through my blood as I think about it. I cannot believe those soldiers were not disciplined more. Although, I believe in restorative justice, in this case I have to admit that I wish those soldiers would just rot in prison for what they did. I think that I need to use this anger to be able to speak passionately against the war, but also work to make sure my anger does not violate other people's dignity. As much as I hate to admit, those soldiers also have dignity that I need to respect. 

          Reading this book has really taught me so much about a war that I have never understood. I also believe that it has also given my trip new meaning. I am not sure what this meaning is.... I am confused about how I feel about being a privileged white American heading into a place that is still filled with pain from a mess that the U.S. caused. However, I am excited to meet people like Riverbend and try to truly understand their situation and find ways that I can help bring peace to an area that has needed it for so long. Think of me and pray that I will be able to hear these stories and not drown in my own pain and shame, but find ways to listen and bring healing. I end this reflection with a prayer of Saint Francis, which has become the prayer of my life recently; 

Where there is hatred, let me sow love.

Where there is injury, pardon.

Where there is doubt, faith.

Where there is despair, hope.

Where there is darkness, light.

Where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,

grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;

to be understood, as to understand;

to be loved, as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive.

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.

Amen.

For those interested in reading Riverbend's thoughts, her blog is http://riverbendblog.blogspot.com. Her blog ends abruptly in 2007 causing some to believe that she did not survive the war. 

I don't know...

          I don't know what to write or how to explain what I am feeling at the moment. I feel stuck between different worlds, all of which are causing different emotions, making me just confused and worn out. First thing on my mind is all the busyness I feel. I sit in meetings for at least ten hours a week and probably do work for those meetings at the very least another five hours. I also am taking thirteen credits of classes, which qualifies me as a full time student so let's say around thirty to forty hours a week. However, I am missing two weeks of said classes and am currently getting ready to take two midterms soon, meaning I am reading and studying ahead by about three weeks. I also worked twelve hours this past weekend at the farm. I have a social life that I try to maintain and still manage to sleep around eight to nine hours a night. I am constantly fighting that anxiety that is telling me that I do not have enough time.
         The second thing on my mind is that I am actually pretty happy right now. I am loving the different classes and conversations I have. I like being in leadership positions and feeling like I am making a difference on campus. I have absolutely fantastic friends, whom I have gotten to spend time with and continue to build relationships with on top of new friendships that I am forming. I am really happy with the person I have become and I really have felt more confident in myself lately than I ever have in the past. I am becoming an expert on recognizing my feelings and finding ways to build myself up even if the situation is not ideal. I find myself being able to smile easily and stay content in the face of busyness.
         Thirdly, I am going to Iraq in a little over a week. I don't know how to explain my feelings. I feel so excited to be going on a new adventure, meeting new people, learning more than I ever would in a classroom. Part of me just cannot wait to board that plane! Then there is the part of me that is scared. I have no idea what I am getting into. The news is filled with the Middle East right now and the anti-American sentiment over there; I don't know what I will face going in as a white American. I am also going into a war-zone. I know it is safe for me, but I will be hearing stories that are going to break my heart. I am going to see where devastation has hit a country and torn it to pieces and it is my government and country to blame. I am scared I won't be able to handle all the pain that I see and hear.
          Part of my fear of the pain comes from reading Baghdad burning: Girl blog from Iraq for my history of the Middle East class. The book is literally a published version of a blog of an Iraqi woman during the 2003 U.S. occupation. I never realized the reality of the situation there and what a terrible mess the U.S. made of the country. We ruined the lives of so many. Reading her words, I am so ashamed to be an American... I am ashamed of the power and privilege I possess to be able to live in a place with so much stuff and not having to live my life in fear. And I don't know what I can do to make a difference, I am ashamed but feel helpless.
         So there it all is. Well, part of it at least. I could go on about my questions on race and gender that I am exploring in classes and other feelings that go along with my different leadership positions. But when it comes down to it, I don't know how I am. I don't really know how to put together all these different emotions and experiences. I feel as if I am living multiple lives and am not sure how they go together. I don't know what to do with feelings of happiness and pride on one hand, with shame and fear on the other. I just don't know.