The Drop Off

          A lot of activities have happened since arriving at orientation, but I really want to share a little of today's experience. We were told that we would be having a service day In the community, but at breakfast we learned of what this would entail....being dropped off in groups of three In the middle of the country, told to find work for the day, then find a ride back in the afternoon with only water bottles and a packed lunch. First, I should say that we are in a good part of Maryland staying in a tiny town. They have doing this for fifty years and have never had a problem. Still, I have to admit that I was nervous as my group began going door to door looking for work. A lot of people were not home and the first people we did meet did not need any help.

         Finally, we came to a little country church. An older lady was cleaning, but was really exited to hear that we were willing to help out at her house. After she finished a couple of things at the church, she drove us to her house where two of us washed all her windows and floors, while the third weed whacked outside. She then insisted on an ice cream break (with 8 different types of ice cream!). We then took a nice walk with the woman and her dog and learned more about her life and the land where we were. Her husband's family had owned the land for he last 200 years! After our walk, we brushed out her dog, an excited border collie. I ended our time there by watering some flowers before she drove us back. Before we exited her car, ahe asked if she could pray for us. 

          It was just a really great feeling being able to feel useful. She was a widow and just really appreciated us, even though I felt like we didn't do anything very strenuous. She was just so appreciative, saying that she was terrible with the weed whacker and had been dreading cleaning the windows. Even though she seemed pretty healthy, she said she has fallen a couple of times before and trul appreciated the help. My favorite part of the experience, though, was to just hear some of her life story and connect with someone that I would never would have met otherwise.

          After dinner, we then got to hear the stories from the rest of the group. All the stories were different, but each one was special and everyone felt really good about how the day had went. It seems just amazing to me that a day starting off so uncertain and scary can end up being a fantastic day. I feel blessed to be having this experience and look forward to sharing more about my BVS experience. 

The following poem was shared in orientation and I really liked it, so I thought I would post it here. I would welcome any thoughts or stories. 

The Invitation

a poem by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

 

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals, or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain! I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine and your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it. I want to know if you can be with JOY, mine or your own: if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, or to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself: if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. I want to know if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy. I want to know if you can see beauty even when it is not pretty everyday, and if you can source your life from its presence. I want to know if you can live with failure, yours or mine, and still stand on the edge of a lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, "Yes" !

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done for the children.

It doesn't interest me who you are, or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away. I want to know if you can be alone with yourself, and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

Long Overdue Summer Update

          It has been two months since my last update about my summer... My, how time flies! I don't have the time (or space) to write about everything that has occurred (and is occurring), but here is a short synopsis.

Cincy: Once again, the monastery in Cincinnati proved to be a relaxing and much needed time to meet with my spiritual director and reflect on where I am at. Moving on from college has been difficult and I have needed time to process that change. The reds also won the game my parents and I went to! Yay! 

Michigan: My friend Jana and I had such a great time camping in Michigan. With the exception of a storm the first night and a miserable trip to the laundromat to dry all our blankets, we had great weather, good food, and just a really nice time talking and spending serious quality time together. I love her so much and am glad we could make this trip a reality.

GRE's: The test went ok, some sections better than others. At this point I am not planning on retaking them...I think the scores will get me into the schools I want. But the best thing was after my test (in Toledo), I went and picked up Krissy! She had been staying in Michigan and was heading to Texas, but she was able to come for three wonderful days! It was so wonderful to have her around and also to remind me of the beauty of Ohio. We went on a 20 mile bike ride the one day, and it was truly beautiful as we rode past fields and streams. It is not Colorado, but when you stop and truly look, there is much to behold. 

Colorado (week one): After a long drive from Ohio to Kansas, then Kansas to Colorado, my family made it to our cabin. We had a full house with my parents, grandma, two brothers, sister-in-law, and my childhood friend Amy. We hiked, fed the chipmunks, explored the town of Salida, and helped with some fire mitigation outside. I then drove my oldest brother back to the Denver airport, spent the night with my mom's cousin, then flew to Phoenix.

Phoenix: Mennonite Convention ended up to be a really good week. I was staying with Ruth and our good friend, Darian. They were at convention representing Pink Menno (see Darian's story and learn more at http://www.pinkmenno.org/2013/06/four-years-later-and-still-here/ ) 

Being a delegate was a good experience learning about church business and seeing convention from a different viewpoint. (This was my ninth convention, but first time being a delegate). I also really enjoyed seeing different people I know from different parts of my life. I got to have one last one-on-one with Judy, as well as spend time with my cousin Beth and her two kids, Simon and Nadia.

(I didn't take a single picture in Phoenix!)

Colorado (week two): This has been by far the best week of the summer! Ruth and I flew back to Denver, got my car, and met two other friends (James and Jenna) at the Denver art museum. It was so fun to all meet up in a new place. We ate dinner and explored the city a bit before meeting p with the fifth member of our group (Josh) and drove over the mountains to the cabin. Our first full day we made breakfast before heading to Buena Vista's farmer's market. We then drove to the top of cottonwood Pass and hiked a little ways up. We then got groceries before going back to the cabin to make dinner, take another short hike, then watch Mulan. Our second day we went white water rafting in the morning, then fed chipmunks/explore the ghost town of St. Elmo, hike Agnes Vaille (a local hike to a waterfalls) before making a late dinner (veggie burgers and sweet potato fries!) then stargazing. The third day we travelled to Aspen, took a bus to Maroon Bells with a hike to Crater Lake, then walked a little bit around in town. We watched Bride and Prejudice while eating dinner and heading to bed early. The fourth day consisted of leaving the cabin at 4:30 to drive 1.5 hours to the trailhead of Mount Quandary. It took 3.5 hours, but we made it to the top of our first fourteener! For those not familiar with Colorado, fourteeners are mountains with an elevation of over 14,000 feet (of which there are 54 in Colorado). I have always wanted to climb one, but no one in my family has ever wanted Togo with me. It was a fairly intense climb, but we loved it! There were lots of mountain goats and other friendly climbers. That night we just napped and relaxed. The fifth day we drive to Colorado Springs where we visited Garden of the Gods, ate at Which Wich (my new favorite restaurant), toured the Olympic Training Center, and dropped Jenna and Josh at the airport. The next day after cleaning the cabin, Jmes, Ruth, and I began our long journey home. The first stop was in Topeka, Kansas, then had dinner the next day at Ruth's house in Indianapolis before sleeping at my house, then traveling to Harrisonburg (where James is from). I spent two days there visiting some friends.

New Windsor, Maryland: I am currently at orientation for Brethren Volunteer Service. Things are going really well so far, but that is for another post.

My Dumbledore

          For the past seven months I have been rereading the Harry Potter series. My mom read the first book to us kids on vacation when I was eight years old (I think) and since then I have been a huge fan! I think J.K. Rowling is a complete genius and the philosophy behind the books is deep and needs to be analyzed. But more on that later. Today, I want to talk about the character in the books who had the deepest impact on Harry - Professor Dumbledore. Professor Dumbledore is known as the most powerful wizard of all time, but uses his vast knowledge for good. He is always caring, non-violent, and gives the most amazing, although sometime peculiar, advice. He is Harry's role model and mentor. Although in the last book we learn of his flaws, Dumbledore to me represents the love and goodness any person should strive for and I find myself jealous of Harry for having such a mentor.
          Then I realized that I do, indeed, have such a mentor. Her name is Judy Mullet. Judy was the professor of my Honors class first semester freshman year, but I did not get to know her until second semester when I ended up in her office crying. The middle of my freshman year was really hard for me as I had to deal with issues that had happened in high school that I had never dealt with. I was unsure of my college decision and felt desperately alone even though I was surrounded by friends. Judy saved me then. As I talked to her, and later a counselor, I was able to work through a lot of my problems and realize that EMU was exactly where I needed to be. Having a EMU faculty or staff person as a mentor was a requirement for the Honors program, so I asked Judy if she would be mine. She graciously agreed and we began meeting every other week.
         As I have journeyed through college, Judy has been been there every step of the way. We continued meeting every other week for the last three years with the exception of my semester in Europe. Bad days always were made better when I got to get off campus and talk with this amazing woman. Somehow, Judy was always able to help me see my life in perspective. She became a confidante and a trusted friend. Anytime a problem would come up for me, she would listen. Often she would give advice, but more importantly she would just listen. I found myself telling her more than I tell most of my friends. And during those times when I felt on top of the world, Judy would share in my joy. I will never forget the smile she would give me or her laugh as she wondered about my busy life.
         You see, when Judy listens to you, you feel like the most important person in the world. No matter how mundane your life or how insignificant your problems, she truly cares. She is such a busy person, but despite her busyness, I never felt like a bother to her. In fact, I believe that she enjoyed our time together just as much as I did. She was there for me my entire college career and I would not be the person I am today if I had never met her. Sometimes I wonder if I would have gotten through college at all without her. She is truly beautiful inside and out.
         Every once in a while Judy can be a bit eccentric, just like Dumbledore. Also like Dumbledore, she is absolutely brilliant. But most importantly she is like Dumbledore because she is full of pure goodness. I am so blessed to have her in my life. Judy, I just wanted to let you know how much our relationship has meant to me and I hope it continues throughout our lives!

Summer 2013 Update

          With summer officially begun, many of you might be wondering what I am up to this summer...what sort of adventures are in store for me now? One of the first adventures to occur is the taking of the GRE! For those who don't know, the GRE stands for Graduate Record Exam and is the SAT for grad school. Although I don't plan on applying to grad school for a couple of years, I decided now was the best time to take this test, when I don't have a job and can devote time to studying. The scores are good for five years, then. I take the test on Monday, June 17. Until then, I am once again a full time student, brushing up on vocabulary and math skills.
         However, even before the test I am taking two shorter adventures. The first is a trip to Cincy to have a couple day retreat at the monastery. I am really looking forward to a time of reflection and retreat in that sacred space! My time there will end with my parents and I attending a Reds baseball game. Then, in two weeks, my best friend Jana and I will be taking a four day camping trip to Northern Michigan! I am so excited to spend this time with her before she gets married in October and I head off to another part of the world.
         The last week in June, I am heading to the cabin in Colorado with my family and friend Amy for a week. I then fly from Denver to Phoenix for Mennonite Convention, where I am a young adult delegate for Central District Conference. After convention, I fly back to Colorado where several of my college friends will meet me. We will then spend another week at the cabin, hiking, exploring, and spending quality time together. I will then road trip to Maryland (with stops in Kansas, Indiana, Ohio, and Virginia) to begin my orientation with Brethren Volunteer Service. This orientation lasts from July 16- August 2.
         Most likely at that point, I will go back to Virginia to celebrate the birthday of a dear friend, before coming back to Ohio to work on the farm in August. Plans in September are up in the air right now, but hopefully it will be a time to visit people before I leave the country. Jana is getting married on October 12, then I leave soon after that for Europe!
         It is a busy summer, but I am really looking forward to everything (with the exception of the GRE). I also decided that my blog needed some freshening up, so I gave it a new look. Hope you like it dear readers!

Creative Writing Attempt #1

          ... Maybe if I was a better writer I would take note of my neighbor, an older man with a bright red shirt on that fit snuggly over his large belly, out on the front porch talking on the phone across the street. Maybe if I was a better writer I would wonder about his life, wonder why he lives in a yellow house in this dinky little town. Mayber if I truly cared, I would bake some cookies and wander across the street and introduce myself. But I don't. I don't belong to this little town and don't want to belong. I feel like I made for bigger things. For better things. As I run through the streets I smile at the dad teaching his kid baseball and observe another neighbor talking to the one cop in the town. This town has my permanent address, but nothing about it feels permanent. It is as if I am living in someone else's life. I have no desire for this life, the life lived in a small Midwestern town. As I run, I run towards the future, towards the quaint city and life I see myself living. I picture myself on the same run, but within that future life, where I am successful and happy. It is this dream that I picture as I cool down and pet my cat. Before bed, I read in my current novel. This one is about Turkey and lands far away. Right before sleep takes me away, I imagine my city and the life that is about to happen. 

Homesick

Andrew Largeman: You know that point in your life when you realize the house you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of a sudden even though you have some place where you put your shit, that idea of home is gone.

Sam: I still feel at home in my house.

Andrew Largeman: You'll see one day when you move out it just sort of happens one day and it's gone. You feel like you can never get it back. It's like you feel homesick for a place that doesn't even exist. Maybe it's like this rite of passage, you know. You won't ever have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I don't know, but I miss the idea of it, you know. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people that miss the same imaginary place.

Excerpt from Garden State

          As I have begun my summer reading list, I have been struck by the concept of home once again. I have written several times about not belonging anywhere and the couple of places that have felt like home (Colorado and Northern Iraq), but today while reading Istanbul: Memories and the City by Orphan Pamuk, I am once again feeling like I don't have a place to call home. Pamuk's Istanbul is a sort of memoir where Pamuk describes the city with beautiful language, looking at his memories as a child and his life now as an adult in the city. He describes the beauty and the desolation and hopelessness of a city of ruin. However, what makes the book remarkable is that Pamuk has the authority to describe the city because he still lives in the apartment building where he grew up. He is so intimately connected with the city, and this connection holds him, even when he has the opportunity to move away. I am jealous of this intimacy. 

          Just like Andrew from Garden State, I feel homesick for a place that does not exist. While reading Pamuk I felt the desire to move to Istanbul. His descripitions of the city were so hauntingly beautiful that one feels the beauty and poetic meloncholy that the city brings. But I realize that even if I would just pack up and move there, it would not be home in the way it is for Pamuk. I would just be some Western girl in a foreign city. I doubt I would be able to experience Istanbul the same way a native experiences it. And from my Spring Break there, I really do not believe I would like to live there, even as I am intrigued.
           But this reading made me wonder what place will become my home-- or will I ever find a place that truly feels like home? Am I just a "Hopeless Waunderer" to quote a favorite Mumford and Sons song or will I someday find a city where I put down roots and become intimately connected. And will this only come with a family as Andrew from Garden State suggests? As much of an adventurer that I am, I long to feel at home in a place; I long to belong somewhere and know that I am home. It is funny because so far I have found places that feel like home (Colorado, Iraq), and I have found places where I belong (EMU), but as of yet, I have not been somewhere where I feel as sense of belonging and home.