Bridge on the Drina

As a way to stay connected to each other and share a love of books, my friend Lisle and I decided a few months ago to begin a book club. It is not actually much of a club, since it is just the two of us, but it has been a great way to regularly skype and keep up with each other. The first book that we read was The Bridge on the Drina by Ivo Andrić. It was first published in 1945 and Andrić won a Nobel Prize for his writing in 1961. The book tells the history of a bridge in the Bosnian town of Višegrad. Although the book is a novel, it is historically based and gives deep insight into a town and culture and how it develops over generations. The writing is remarkable and Lisle's and I's discussions were great. I learned so much more about the area of the world in which I am living and the strength of the people here.  So I want to share a bit of what we learned and discussed with you, my dear readers. Lisle actually helped me write part of this post and I owe many of these great thoughts and insights to her! I highly recommend to read the book for yourself. Although beware, it can be a tough read and there are some very gruesome parts. 

         I believe the true strength of the book and its main purpose is to chronicle history so that the people will not forget. The bridge was built in the 1570s through great violence, and it bore witness to many more atrocities throughout the centuries as it watched over the town. Andrić writes at the beginning of chapter 21, "Never can that be told, for those who saw and lived through it have lost the gifts of words and those who are dead can tell no tales. Those were things which are not told, but forgotten. For were they not forgotten, how could they ever be repeated?" The history of the bridge is not a pretty one... this area of the world has been through war after war. However, many of the stories were not told... people wanted to forget, but in forgetting, history repeated itself.  And long after Andrić died, violence continued. During the most recent war in the beginning of the 90's, the bridge in Višegrad was used as a place to torture and murder civilians. It was eerie to read the book, knowing that Andrić wrote the book long before the most recent war, but yet the cycle still continued.

          Equally important to the chronicling of conflict is the humanizing way in which Andric narrates. His stories feature many different people with diverse points of view: Turks and Serbs, Muslims and Christians, men and women, young and old, villagers and outsiders. He captures the hopes and fears of each, and emphasizes above all their humanity. Through their stories, he reminds reader of the deep emotions and tangible consequences of conflict on a human level.  In one scene, in the middle of a terrible flood, the Muslim and Christian leaders of the town come together and tell stories and sing songs until the danger has past, then separate again as they begin to rebuild the town. The unifying power of storytelling in this snapshot mirror’s Andric’s hope that human stories and the abilities to empathize with others would not allow people to forget.

          As I have met with several different peace workers and talked to Croatians, I have learned that forgetting the past is still occurring. Croatians learn very different things about the war than Serbians and neither side seems to have the whole truth. One of the many peace projects happening in this area is  truth-telling. Peacemakers are trying to get both sides to acknowledge what happened during the war in order that people will not forget, but will be able to learn from these mistakes. Only by knowing the truth and learning from it, can the cycle of violence will truly be stopped. But for now, enemies stay enemies. And the tensions that led to war are still there, right under the surface. 

          This is the reason I believe that The Bridge on the Drina is so important. We must acknowledge our histories and find the truth to be able learn and so that history is not repeated. This is why I am here. I am here to learn the truth behind conflict and thus learn practical ways we can spread truth and thus spread peace. And this needs to happen all over the world, not just here in Eastern Europe. The United States has also committed terrible atrocities. And in order to actually be a peaceful presence in the world, I believe the U.S. needs to recognize its wrongs. And as an American, I need to be a part of that. 

The dilemma of traveling

"At times the pull toward adventure is so strong that I can feel its physical strain on my body. Like I'm being slowly torn into the pieces of myself that are willing and able to take flight, and the others that are inextricably tied to the ground. It's a tension that years of travel seem to exacerbate rather than relieve."

          This quote was recently posted to a friend's facebook page. I have no idea who actually said it, but I completely identify with it. Anyone who knows me knows that I really love to travel. This passion was placed in me at a young age. Every summer of my childhood my family would take a week or two in the summer and taker our pop-up camper and go explore a new part of the country. By the age of ten, I had been to more states than most American adults. But still, I wanted to see more. Studying abroad in Europe during college opened up an entire new continent. And last year I was able to travel to the Middle East. And every time I go somewhere new, my world seems to open up a bit more.
          This last trip was no exception. Even though the places were not so far apart, the cultures Cara and I encountered were vasty different. But they were also intricately connected. The Austro-Hungarian empire at one time controlled much of the Balkans and much of the architecture I see in Osijek was built during this empire.  In each of the places we visited, we tried to ask questions to locals, visit museums, and participate in cultural activities (such as drinking coffee and swimming in the famous Budapest baths) in order to learn history and a bit of the culture. This was especially important to me as I am here in this part of the world for the next few years and I want to understand this culture. And the more we traveled and learn, the more the people and connections began to make more sense to me.
          And seeing these historical places in person means so much than just reading about them in books. It is true, that could learn about Croatia by reading books. I could even come to understand the history of the entire area by talking to Croatians in Osijek. But by traveling to these new places, I was able to broaden my perspective and hear different sides of the story. It is one thing to hear about Vienna from afar, but another thing to experience it in person. And hearing about the corrupt health care system in Hungary had a lot more meaning when it was coming from a born and bred Hungarian in Budapest.
          However, the more we traveled and learned, the more curious I became and I wanted to see and learn more. I do not believe this is a bad thing; I believe curiosity and openness to new ideas is great. And everyone should take the time to travel and learn more about the world around them. But I also realize that traveling is a privilege. Not everyone has the opportunity to travel and see new places. I do not consider myself rich... most people would be surprised about the amount of loans I have from college and the lack of money I have in my savings account. And I have made the decision to live very simply and then spend my money traveling. But I realize that I am a white, middle-class American who is a part of a fully-funded program. I am incredibly lucky to be in the situation I am in and I am taking full advantage to the opportunities that have been offered to me. But, it is also hard for me to reconcile this with the fact that others don't have these opportunities. And as part of my Mennonite upbringing, I want to have solidarity with the poor and suffering. How can I do this, while traveling and seeing the world?
          I don't plan on stopping traveling. Already, I am planning the visits of two friends who will be coming in the next few months. And as I met people from other parts of Europe, I plan to go and visit them at some point while I am living here on this continent. But I am also trying to be content where I am and making friends with people who do not have the same opportunities to travel. I believe there is true worth in knowing about one place deeply and intimately instead of a little knowledge of a hundred places. I believe that I have so much to learn here in Osijek, even if at times it doesn't seem that way. I made it my mission to meet these people and learn while I am here. In order to do this, I joined the Couch Surfing community.
          This might seem like a strange way to meet people, but I discovered that there are a lot of people from Osijek who are interested in traveling and meeting new people. Not all of them can actually host, but they are very willing to meet up for coffee and hang out. Last Saturday, I met three such people and had a really good time. It felt great to learn more about Croatia from Croatians. We had great conversation and I even got to practice speaking my Croatian a little. I am meeting some more Couch Surfers tomorrow and I truly look forward to this time of learning and making new friends. There are some really awesome people out there and I am using these next few months to stay in one place and learn what I can.

Do you believe in destiny?

          One of the discussions that Cara and I had on our trip was about destiny. Is there some greater force or being that controls part of the outcome of our lives? Part of me wants to believe in destiny, for there exist moments in life that could not have happened only by coincidence. You know those times when everything seems to just work out... you find yourself in just the right place at the right time. And if only one little thing would have been different, if you had made one different decision, then you wouldn't have met that one person, or you wouldn't have that moment of complete joy. Or even bigger than just moments, there seems to be a dream inside you that keeps growing and the experiences you have and the choices you make all seem to correspond with this one dream, this destiny.
          It is a nice thought to believe that there is something larger in the world, something pulling you along. However, as nice as this sounds and as much as I would like to believe in the idea of destiny, I get stuck when I hear of bad things happening. I cannot believe that it is some people's destiny to just experience pain and hardship. That doesn't seem fair or right. I am believer in humankind and equality for all, so the idea of destiny does not make sense when you hear of war or extreme poverty. It just doesn't add up when parents of young children die in a car crash. How can this be part of some larger plan? (These are some of the same questions I ask about God.)
         But then another thought occurred. What if I acted like I believed in destiny? I read His Dark Materials trilogy by Philip Pullman over break and got caught up in the idea of having a great destiny. In the books, many prophesies are made about the main character, Lyra, and that she is destined to save the universe. However, she does not know this and if others do not help her out, it will not occur. The choices she makes are still important, but they all lead to her greater destiny. This also relates to Harry Potter (as does most things in life). Many argue that it is Harry's destiny to defeat Voldemort and even a prophesy seems to suggest this. However, as Dumbledore reminds Harry, it is his choices that make him who he is. And that he would have tried to defeat Voldemort even if a prophesy had never been made.
          So we see that destiny seems to be mixed up with our choices and external circumstances. Harry had no choice when his parents died and had no choice when it came to a prophesy being made. But he chose to try to defeat Voldemort (and I will mention here that he did so by using nonviolence... but that is for another blog post). And so what if I believed that I too have some great destiny? How would I live my life if I believed that I am the one to change the world? I am the one to bring world peace? I don't want to sound arrogant, because that is not what I am trying to express. What I want to express, is how would I be different? What choices would I make, knowing that my destiny depended on them? How much time would I stop wasting, knowing that if I am to fulfill this destiny, I must learn as much as I can and be as brave as possible? And how would I treat others, knowing that my destiny might be linked up with theirs? Every person I meet might have something to teach me that will lead to greater things. And it is not just me that has a great destiny, but everyone! And part of my destiny is that I help others reach theirs.
          Now this might just be like yet another way to "live life to the fullest," and "live every moment as if it matters. However, I am intrigued by this thought of living into my destiny. Even if I am unsure if destiny is a real thing, I am making a new year's resolution to live as if I do. I want to view every moment, every choice as part of some greater plan. I want to treat everyone I meet as the most special person in the world because somehow their life has become entwined with mine. I want to believe that there is a purpose behind every interaction and every experience and it is all leading to some greater dream. I want to believe in destiny.
          So what about you... Do you believe in destiny? 

Then, love the world

          A new year has begun. For most of my life, I have celebrated New Years with my family in the comfort of my pajamas in my living room. We always watched the ball drop in Times Square on TV, but I never found excitement or joy come in. For many years I was against New Years resolutions because I never had the motivation to keep them. New Years just seemed like any other holiday of the year. But this year was different. This year, I celebrated with almost a million other people on the streets of Vienna. And as I watched the celebrations, I could see hope on the faces of the strangers around me. Pure joy was all around as people waltzed to the Blue Danube, drank champagne, and watched the fireworks display overhead. This joy and this hope was magical.
          This New Years was different also because of where I am in my life. The transition to Croatia has been hard. I have found myself floundering and giving into loneliness and self-doubt. I felt myself feeling trapped in Osijek with no friends and honestly little hope for the rest of my time here. I realized that I needed a new start; I needed a new game plan. And what a better time than the New Year? On my trip, my cousin Cara asked me about what my motto was for 2013 and what it will be for 2014. On considering this question I remembered a poem that a dear friend sent me when I moved to Croatia. The poem in its entirety is at the bottom of this post, but the last line goes,

"And what do I risk to tell you this, which is all I know? Love yourself. Then forget it. Then, love the world."

          I believe that this last year has been me learning to love myself. As I finished my senior year in college, I really took the time to figure out who I was and what I wanted in the world. I learned to be confident in every part of me and those who know me, know that I was truly happy. For a moment in time I was able to live out exactly who I wanted to be. 2013 was all about loving myself.
          But now, it is time for me to forget it. I have been so caught up with myself here in Croatia, that I have not noticed the beauty that surrounds me. I have so been worried about being myself and how I come across to others that I in a way I have stopped living. And so my New Years resolution is to stop thinking so much about myself and try to love the world with everything I am. I want to question others and learn more about this place in which I am living. I want others to know joy because I am trying my best to love them. I don't want this year to be about me, but about the love I can show to the world around me.
          And by loving the world, I am actually being myself to the fullest. By forgetting myself, I hope that I will actually be able to find a new, better version of myself. I have already reflected on how I cannot be the Julia I was at EMU, but I finally see that I can be a better Julia. I can learn to love more deeply and more passionately. By shifting my focus to the world around me, I shift focus to what is most important in life. And that is not me.

To Begin With, the Sweet Grass by Mary Oliver

1. 
Will the hungry ox stand in the field and not eat of the sweet grass?
Will the owl bite off its own wings?
Will the lark forget to lift its body in the air or forget to sing?
Will the rivers run upstream?

Behold, I say - behold the reliability and the finery and the teachings of this gritty earth gift.

2.
Eat bread and understand comfort.
Drink water, and understand delight.
Visit the garden where the scarlet trumpets are opening their bodies for the hummingbirds who are drinking the the sweetness, who are thrillingly gluttonous.

For one thing leads to another.
Soon you will notice how stones shine underfoot.
Eventually tides will be the only calendar you believe in. 

And someone's face, whom you love, will be as a star both intimate and ultimate,
and you will be both heart-shaken and respectful.
And you will hear the air itself, like a beloved, whisper:
oh, let me, for a while longer, enter the two beautiful bodies of your lungs...

4.
Someday I am going to ask my friend Paulus, the dance, the potter, to make me a begging bowl
Which I believe my soul needs.

And if I come to you, to the door of your comfortable house with unwashed clothes and unclean fingernails, will you put something into it?

I would like to take this chance. I would like to give you this chance. 

5. 
We do one thing or another; we stay the same, or we change. Congratulations, if you have changed. 

6. 
Let me ask you this.
Do you also think that beauty exists for some fabulous reason?

And if you have not been enchanted by this adventure- Your life- What would do for you?

7.
What I loved in the beginning, I think, was mostly myself. Never mind that I had to, since somebody had to. That was many years ago. 
Since then I have gone out from my confinements, through with difficulty.
I mean the ones that thought to rule my heart. I cast them out, I put them on the mush pile.
They will be nourishment somehow (everything is nourishment somehow or another).
And I have become the child of the clouds, and of hope.
I have become the friend of the enemy, whoever that is. 
I have become older and, cherishing what I have learned, I have become younger. 

And what do I risk to tell you this, which is all I know?
Love yourself. Then forget it. Then, love the world.  

Summary of Travels

          Trying to figure out what to write is really hard right now. I just arrived back to Osijek late last night after an amazing week and a half of travel. I saw so much, learned so much, and most importantly processed so much. As such, I believe I will write a series of posts. With so many thoughts and stories, it only makes sense to write many posts. I also hope to have my cousin Cara, with whom I was traveling, to write some of her own thoughts and reflections. But to start out, I will give a brief summary of the places we saw and things we did.

Dec. 24, 2013 - I took a bus from Osijek to Zagreb, where I met Cara. We then took a bus down to Split. We walked through the old city and went to bed early after a long day of traveling.

Dec. 25, 2013 - After opening some gifts that Cara brought from the U.S., we headed out for a long walk around a huge park in Split. We attended mass at the tiny Cathedral in the evening. I understood a few words, as I proudly told them to Cara.

Dec. 26, 2013 - It rained all day and was quite miserable. We had planned on just visiting museums so we could be out of the rain, but unfortunately the day after Christmas is a national holiday in Croatia (St. Stephen's Day). However, we did get to climbed the bell tower and got some coffee. In the evening, my friend Miriam (who lives now in Sarajevo) came to spend a couple of days with us.

Dec. 27, 2013 - Miriam, Cara, and I took a bus up to an old fortress in Klis. We then visited Roman ruins in Solin. Then we went to the island town of Trogir, before heading back to Split to go out for dinner and then make cinnamon roles!

Dec. 28, 2013 - After a quick visit to the market in Split, Cara and I said goodbye to Miriam and headed by bus back to Zagreb. That night we visited the Museum of Broken Relationships and went out for coffee.

Dec. 29, 2013 - We got up early to take a day trip to Plitivce Lakes National Park. It was so beautiful and it felt like we were in another world! Upon our return to Zagreb, we ate dinner and went to bed.

Dec. 30, 2013 - We walked around Zagreb in the morning, taking time to visit a street full of city-approved graffiti. After getting some lunch at a bakery, we boarded a bus in the afternoon to Vienna.

Dec. 31, 2013 - After breakfast at our hostel, we went to downtown Vienna to run in my first ever race! It was 5.3 km around the city ring. It was a great introduction to a beautiful city! After chilling in the hostel in the afternoon, we headed back downtown for New Years Eve celebrations. They had a New Years market and place all over the city to drink hot wine and eat delicious Austrian treats. At midnight there was fireworks and everyone waltzed to the Blue Danube.

Jan. 1, 2014 - On New Years we went to outside the city hall where they were showing on a large screen, the Vienna Symphony concert (which is broadcast all over the world). We then visited a museum and learned about Austrian history. Cara had made arrangements to visit an old friend who lives in Vienna, so it was great to hear from a local and make a new friend. Before heading back to the hostel, we got some coffee and cake.

Jan. 2, 2014 - We ate breakfast at the hostel, check-out, and headed to see some graffiti on the Danube. We then boarded a train to Bratislava, the capital of Slovakia. After walking in the wrong direction for and hour and a half (it should have been 15 minutes), we explored the old city for a bit before catching a train to Budapest. After dinner out, we hung out at the hostel making friends with travelers from Egypt, Brasil, Morocco, Serbia, and the U.S.

Jan. 3, 2014 - We started the day with a free walking tour (highly recommended if you are traveling to Budapest) and learned a lot about Hungarian history and the different parts of the city. We then went to eat lunch at a large indoor market with friend from Turkey and Brazil that we had made on the tour. After that, Cara and I headed to the thermal baths. We then met back up with our Turkish and Brazilian friends for drinks at a ruin pub.

Jan. 4, 2014 - Our last day was actually one of my favorite days of the trip. After a breakfast of cake at an old cafe, we explore the city by foot, stopping on an island for great food. In the afternoon we took another free walking tour, this one of communism in Budapest. Afterward, we ate a traditional Hungarian meal with friends from Australia before being an hour late to the opera (you can get really cheap tickets!) After the opera we headed back to the hostel to finish packing. There, we made friends with two really awesome Spaniards and headed out for drinks once again at a ruin pub. Afterward, Cara and I found a grocery store for snacks for traveling, then said goodbye at 4:15 am as she took a shuttle to the airport to fly home.

Jan. 5, 2013 - I ate breakfast by myself at the hostel, checked out and took a train to the Hungarian ciyt of Pecs. I explored a couple hours before taking a bus back to Osijek.