Monday, September 28, 2015

Finding Balance

          I have been thinking a lot about balance in the last couple of weeks. As I revealed in my last post, I am crazy busy, but I am at the point right now where I think I have found some sort of balance. I feel that I am steady. I am working so hard to not allow myself to stress about school or work or life because I just do not want stress in my life anymore. I want to be healthy and happy, which I am at the moment. However, I also understand that balance is precarious. I understand that something could happen tonight that could push me way off balance and most of the time, I really have no control. Sometimes I wonder if attempting to find balance is event the best thing to do. This morning while on facebook, I came across a blog post by one of my favorite bloggers, Glennon Doyle Melton, and she writes this about life (the path) and balance:
          "You will never find your perfect life 'balance' on the path for the same reason you will never find a unicorn on the path - because these things don't exist. Forget unicorns and balance. If you were perfectly balanced- you'd never have to take any ones hand to steady yourself, and that would be a tragedy. There is no solid ground on the path - so don't hold your breath till you find it. Breathe deeply and keep moving forward awkwardly. You can make it down the whole path imbalance and flailing. When you fall, give thanks for the opportunity to rest. While you're down, send love to every other path walker who's down with you at that moment. Then get back up. Or crawl. Crawling is encouraged and respected. Path running is fine, but crawling is much better. Crawlers travel with their eyes close to the ground - so they never miss an inch of the beautiful, rocky path. Crawlers get less glory but learn the most about the path's terrain." http://momastery.com/blog/2013/10/10/5-things-know-path/
          Glennon often writes in a way that I can closely identify. I love her entire post on 5 Things I Know About the Past. As avid readers of my blog know, I love path/journey/adventure metaphors. Reading this post right now is a little funny because I do think I am path running right now. Things in my life feel really good and like the 13.5 miles I ran yesterday, sometimes it can be hard physically and mentally to push through and stay positive, but the rewards and even the journey is really good and exciting. The endorphins are pretty sweet, as well as the relationships that are currently a part of my life. I want to enjoy this high. But I also want to be prepared for when I come down. I want to learn how to crawl and learn how to be okay with being awkward.
          So instead of trying to maintain this "balance" I think I have found, I want to focus on the healthy habits I am forming: running, eating healthy, sleeping 8 hours a night, setting aside specific study time, and most importantly building and maintaining positive relationships with some really good people. People who don't care that I am awkward. People who will get down on the ground and crawl with me. Especially as I know that winter is coming (metaphorically and in reality), I want these habits to ground me in the days, weeks, and months to come. I want to enjoy where I currently am, but not worry about maintaining this high because that is impossible. And perhaps by forgetting about balance I can learn to be present wherever I am and learn to take in the beauty all around me at all points on the path.
You will never find your perfect life “balance” on the path for the same reason you will never find a unicorn on the path – because these things don’t exist. Forget unicorns and balance. If you were perfectly balanced- you’d never have to take any ones hand to steady yourself, and that would be a tragedy. There is no solid ground on the path – so don’t hold your breath till you find it. Breathe deeply and keep moving forward awkwardly. You can make it down the whole path imbalanced and flailing. When you fall, give thanks for the opportunity to rest. While you’re down, send love to every other path walker who’s down with you at that moment. Then get back up. Or crawl. Crawling is encouraged and respected. Path running is fine, but crawling is much better. Crawlers travel with their eyes close to the ground – so they never miss an inch of the beautiful, rocky path. Crawlers get less glory but learn the most about the path’s terrain. - See more at: http://momastery.com/blog/2013/10/10/5-things-know-path/#sthash.Gl93VO69.dpuf
You will never find your perfect life “balance” on the path for the same reason you will never find a unicorn on the path – because these things don’t exist. Forget unicorns and balance. If you were perfectly balanced- you’d never have to take any ones hand to steady yourself, and that would be a tragedy. There is no solid ground on the path – so don’t hold your breath till you find it. Breathe deeply and keep moving forward awkwardly. You can make it down the whole path imbalanced and flailing. When you fall, give thanks for the opportunity to rest. While you’re down, send love to every other path walker who’s down with you at that moment. Then get back up. Or crawl. Crawling is encouraged and respected. Path running is fine, but crawling is much better. Crawlers travel with their eyes close to the ground – so they never miss an inch of the beautiful, rocky path. Crawlers get less glory but learn the most about the path’s terrain. - See more at: http://momastery.com/blog/2013/10/10/5-things-know-path/#sthash.Gl93VO69.dpuf
You will never find your perfect life “balance” on the path for the same reason you will never find a unicorn on the path – because these things don’t exist. Forget unicorns and balance. If you were perfectly balanced- you’d never have to take any ones hand to steady yourself, and that would be a tragedy. There is no solid ground on the path – so don’t hold your breath till you find it. Breathe deeply and keep moving forward awkwardly. You can make it down the whole path imbalanced and flailing. When you fall, give thanks for the opportunity to rest. While you’re down, send love to every other path walker who’s down with you at that moment. Then get back up. Or crawl. Crawling is encouraged and respected. Path running is fine, but crawling is much better. Crawlers travel with their eyes close to the ground – so they never miss an inch of the beautiful, rocky path. Crawlers get less glory but learn the most about the path’s terrain. - See more at: http://momastery.com/blog/2013/10/10/5-things-know-path/#sthash.Gl93VO69.dpuf

Thursday, September 24, 2015

A Strange Little Family

          Two months later, I am finally writing another blog post. And like everytime I take forever to write, I am at a loss as to what to write. A lot has happened in the last two months. I traveled to Kansas to visit my nephew at the end of July, to Colorado and Kansas for family vacation in August, and to Elmira, New York to participate in Krissy's wedding over Labor Day weekend. School has started with new classes and an internship. My work schedule has changed as I transition to only two days a week (Fridays and Saturdays) at the co-op and a new position as Administrative Assistant at my church. I have begun to teach an English class once a week. My next half marathon is in a little over 3 weeks, so I have been running a lot. I also have all new housemates and thus a new community and social life. So yeah, a lot has happened in the last two months.
          With all these changes, I have had many ups and downs. The start of school was extremely stressful as I was running on little sleep (I believe I averaged 5 hours a night for about 3 weeks straight) and too many commitments. I also had some personal drama that added to my stress level, not to mention yet another faith crisis. However, I have managed to turn things around. I decided to drop a class and thus be able to concentrate better on other things. I initiated an early bedtime and built more time into my schedule to spend in community with my housemates. My personal drama resolved itself and I have been able to talk with academic advisor about my faith questions. And so for the last week and a half, I have been really good. I feel like I have reached a balance in my life and even as my schedule is full, it is full of really good things that bring me energy.
          The thing that has brought me the most energy and a feeling of fullness has been my new housemates. There are currently six of us living in the house: four guys who are finishing up studies and work at Goshen College, and one girl who is full-time at Goshen College. We are all randomly connected to my seminary friend whom I originally moved into the house with (he and his wife recently moved out so she could begin a residency job at Goshen College). It might have been random, but we have connected so well. The four guys have been living together for the last couple years and are some of the most quality guys that I have known. They are each so unique and bring totally different dynamics to the house. Sonya, the other girl, is a beautiful spirit and in her I have found a most delightful, honest friendship. I look forward to going home everyday as I know I will be greeted with "Julia, you're home! Come sit with us!" Most every night, we congregate in the living room to share about our days, tell funny stories, snuggle, play interesting youtube videos, and just be. We have become a strange little family.
          I find myself falling deeper and deeper in love with these people everyday. It is so strange because I was satisfied with the community I found in Goshen this summer, but what I have now is so much deeper and more satisfying. I have balance in my life right now because I have such amazing support. A few weeks ago when I came home crying, I found arms that held me, hands that brought me tissues and tea, and ears that truly listened. On an everyday basis, I have people that accept me for exactly who I am and truly care to hear about the details of my day and my life. My thoughts are valued as well as my character. I really cannot adequately describe the feeling of wholeness I have right now. This wholeness has spread throughout my life and I have noticed less stress at school and work. I find myself truly happy. This living situation is not forever, but while it lasts, I am going to soak it up because some people search their whole lives for this kind of community, this strange little family, that I just stumbled into.