Friday, February 12, 2016

Relationships as Canyoning

          I am one of those people who really enjoys a good metaphor. Not a cheesy one that is taken too far, but one that seems to perfectly represent what I am going through. When I began dating this summer, I found one of those perfect metaphors that seemed to fit what I was going through. I realized that entering and being in a relationship is like canyoning. So canyoning is an activity that I did in Ecuador this summer. I hadn't known it was even a thing until I arrived in the town of Baños and knew immediately that I wanted to do it. Simply, canyoning is where you repel down waterfalls. I went with my cousin Cara and were joined by two guys in addition to our guide. We drove to a nearby mountain and then hiked partway up in wetsuits. Our guide would then hook us onto rope and we would jump off the side of the waterfall and make our way down.
          In preparation for this, we got basic training in town. We first watched a video of how to do it and then we practiced repelling on a wall outside. I compare this to all the time I was single. I have spent years watching my friends be in relationships. I have seen their mistakes and their different techniques. And in doing so, I did learn a lot. Going into a relationship, I felt that I knew a little of how it is done from watching others. And in canyoning, I got to practice. I learned how to stay perpendicular to the wall and to keep my feet flat. I felt good and was ready to conquer this new challenge. Until I got to the top of the waterfall.
          To begin repelling down the waterfall, you first have to take the first step backward off the cliff and trust that the rope is going to hold you and that your guide won't let you fall. This first step is absolutely terrifying. Even though I was excited about the activity, it took courage to make my way down. This was the same with dating. I have felt prepared to enter a relationship for a while, but the being vulnerable actually telling someone you like them is terrifying. It takes so much courage and vulnerability.
          I always imagined, though, that after that first step it would be fine. I practiced this and had learned from others, right? I knew to stay perpendicular and to keep my feet flat against the rocks. But what they didn't say is that the rocks aren't flat. Rocks are jagged and it is really hard to keep the correct position. Especially because you are in the middle of a waterfall and cannot even see the rocks or even your feet! You are trying desperately to keep your form, but at the same time you are freaking out because there is just so much water. This is nothing like the video or practice! And this is how I felt in my relationship. I thought I knew how to be a good girlfriend and the steps I should take. I thought that a romantic relationship would be similar to other relationships. I knew it would not be easy, but once I was in the midst of the relationship I realized there were so many things that I didn't know. I realized that there is no set path and you just have to go, trying your best to not be overwhelmed by the rush of new feelings and experiences. Just as the rocks were not flat and every waterfall is different, each relationship has to be managed in a new way and often this cannot be determined beforehand because there is no way to see how it will be.
          It turned out that I was not great at canyoning. There were a couple of times that I lost control and ended up hanging by the rope in the middle of the waterfall. However, my guide was able to hold me and lower me to safety. And I wasn't the only one. Even the really athletic, super-good-at-everything guy in my group fell during a couple of points. It is the same in relationships: no one is perfect in relationships. We all make mistakes and all have to realize that there is still so much to learn. But if we are lucky, we will have a good support system of not just our partner, but of friends and family who will support us when we lose control. Canyoning turned out to be totally worth the struggle. Even though there were some terrifying moments when the water seemed to be overtaking me, I had a blast. After the last waterfall, I felt like I triumphant. I conquered my fears and even though I was not perfect, I did this crazy thing. I made it to the bottom and was even able to have a lot of fun, despite everything.
          The relationship I mentioned back in November is now over. Looking back, I am able to see how much I learned. He and I were not the best fit and the rocks were not always smooth. I made mistakes, as did he. However, I have no regrets. I learned so much about myself and also what I want in a relationship. I will take all this learning to the next relationship I am in and I will be better because of it. I now know a little more of what to expect, although I also understand that like canyoning, all relationships are different and there is no one way to get through. I am sure that it will still be equally terrifying taking that first step backwards off the cliff, but I know now just how rewarding it can be. And so I look forward to the next time I go canyoning, even as for right now, I am so happy to be on dry, flat ground.
This is me canyoning in Baños, Ecuador this summer. I believe this is the waterfall that I fell in. However, it was still so much fun and I look forward to someday doing it again.

          

Sunday, February 7, 2016

Sağol Turkey

          My most recent trip started in Istanbul, Turkey. Once I knew I was going to go to Egypt as part of class I am taking at AMBS, I knew that plane tickets elsewhere would not be that much more. I had been to Turkey twice before, but I knew there was more to explore and I gained a Turkish friend from Istanbul while she was studying in Croatia. My good friend Bekah from college happened to be visiting her parents, currently working in Lebanon, at the same time, so I convinced her to come along to Turkey for two weeks. And we had the best two weeks. We were there from December 30-January 13, 2016. We spent three days in Istanbul, then flew to Izmir, Turkey where we spent 4 days, including a day trip to Ephesus and a day trip to Pamukkale, and finally five days in Goreme in the region of Cappadocia.

The Turkish word "sağol"is the best way I can describe our time. The word is used as a way to say thank you, but literally means, "be alive." That's what we did in Turkey. We came alive. We spent two weeks constantly in awe of the world around us and felt so thankful for the people, the culture, and the amazing country we encountered. Below are two lists we made during the two weeks. There is so much to say and so many stories to tell, but I think these lists describe things pretty well. The first is just some statistics and the second is a list of (mostly) positive interactions we had.

Airplane Rides = 3
Metro Rides = 18
City Bus Rides = 1
Mini Bus Rides = 8
Train Rides = 4
Camel Rides = 1
Miles Walked = Countless
Times We Got Really Lost = 0
Times We Got Kind of Lost on Mountains = 2
Hosted Nights = 3
Hostel Nights = 11
Hostel Nights We Had the Room to Ourselves = 7 (It was not tourist season)
Days We Saw Snow = 5
Turkish Vocabulary Words = 24
Museums and Other Historical Sites We Visited = 15
Colds = 1 each
Money Julia Lost = 40 lira (around $15)
Money Spent On A Money Pouch So Julia Would Stop Losing Money = 1 lira (around $.33)
Camels Julia is Apparently Worth = 25
Socks Purchased = 4
Money Spend on Socks = 7.5 lira ($2.49)
Pieces of Baklava Consumed (by Julia) = 10
Cups of Tea Consumed (by Julia) = 34


Interactions
-Borrowing a phone from a stranger at the metro station to call Sahra
-Being shown amazing hospitality from my friend Sahra and her mother
-Australian couple attempting to take our picture outside the Blue Mosque
-A snowball fight with a security guard at Topkapi Palace
-Taking to Germans on the city wall of Istanbul
-Bekah ordered water completely in Turkish in Taksim Square
-Juice vendors gave us extra juice
-Church guard let us sneak in to see the church sanctuary
-A stranger paid for our metro in Izmir
-Turkish Muslim women took our picture in Ephesus
-Cats!!!
-Minibus helper gave us mandarin oranges while we waited for the bus
-Conversation with Americans studying at a med school in Israel
-Talking with a ceramic maker
-2 hour conversation and tea with Ali, a shoemaker/store owner in Selcuk (outside of Ephesus)
-Turkish men in Selcuk helping us get to the train station
-Hostel worker giving us advice of where to go in Izmir
-Feeding pigeons in Izmir
-The doughnut truck giving us free doughnuts in a neighborhood in Izmir
-A woman offering us more of her doughnuts
-Kebab guy praising our Turkish and giving us free tea in Izmir
-Guard in art museum in Izmir attempting to talk to us in broken English
-A German Turk serving us lunch in Izmir
-A Carpet Seller in Izmir giving us tea (and not trying to sell us carpets)
-Playing Charades and Contact with other travelers in Izmir hostel
-A Man on a minibus making sure we ended up where we needed to be
-Metro workers in Izmir helping us
-Hostel worker in Goreme helping fix Bekah's shoe (twice!)
-the Afghani cafe worker in Goreme we visited almost everyday
-Urgup and Nevishir, the dogs who followed us for a couple of miles (we made up the names)
-The Turkish woman who owned the cafe where the Afghani man worked
-The cafe worker at our other favorite restaurant in Goreme
-Our tour guide for the Green Tour in Cappadocia
-The cute puppies and kitties we encountered
-Our hostel owners in Goreme giving us dinner one night
-Julia, our hostel mate for one night in Goreme
-The pigeon trainer we met on a hike
-Kittens who tried to attack our picnic lunch
-A girl showing us the bus station in Urgup
-Cafe worker in Urgup giving us free tea and popcorn
-Our new Canadian friend Kaleb who helped celebrate my birthday


I hope these lists give a glimpse into our two weeks. There is so much more to say, though, about the stories we made up and the deep conversations Bekah and I had. I feel so blessed to have experienced so much Turkish hospitality with such a great friend.



Thursday, February 4, 2016

Travel

          I arrived back into the United States on Monday night after an exhausting five weeks of traveling to Turkey, Egypt, and Croatia. The trip was quite eventful as one can imagine and in the next week, I hope to write about my experience in each country individually. However, to start, I want to give this quote by Frederick Buechner that a fellow traveler just emailed to me.

"Sometimes we travel to get away and see something of the world. Sometimes we travel just to get away from ourselves. Sometimes we travel to convince ourselves that we are getting someplace.

The author of the Letter to the Hebrews lists a number of gadabouts like Noah and Abraham, Sarah and Jacob, and the footloose Israelites generally. He then makes the point that what they were really doing was "seeking a homeland," which they died without ever finding but never gave up seeking even so (Hebrews 11:14).

Maybe that is true of all of us. Maybe at the heart of all our traveling is the dream of someday, somehow, getting Home."

~originally published in Wishful Thinking and later in Beyond Words