Back Home Again in Indiana

          I never thought that the day would come when I would call Indiana my home again. I also never imagined that I would be happy living in Northern Indiana, but here I am. I moved about four weeks ago to Elkhart to begin my graduate studies here at AMBS (Anabaptist Mennonite Biblical Seminary). And although this last week was a little rough and things have been pretty hectic, I am loving it here.
          My feelings after Friday afternoon Church and Race class really sums up my thoughts so far. The class was talking about Christian ethics and it included a great discussion with a phenomenal professor. I realized then that I like studying theology the same reason I started studying philosophy in my undergraduate: through the lense of philosophy you can look at any topic; science, religion, economics, all of it was applicable to philosophy. Theology is the same. For example, this week AMBS hosted a conference on land and faith. Land and ideas such as food justice are strongly Biblical. But unlike philosophy, with theology we have a focus. We are focused on what it means to do life in the context of following of Jesus. This not only focuses our studies, it makes our studies applicable to our lives right now. It is not just some abstract ideas, but about the way we live our lives.
          I might be totally nerdy, but I am really excited about this right now. I am so excited to be studying theology and to be back in the academic world discussing questions and beliefs. If you are a long-time follower of my blog, you know that my faith journey has had its ups and downs. But here, I am beginning to see the great variety of theological thought and faith formation. There are so many different viewpoints and ways of relating to God. And here, we can have meaningful conversations and not get upset, but discuss together in order that we might all learn and might all become better followers of Jesus Christ, even if the ways we do that and the language we use differ vastly. Here, I have found a safe place to ask my questions while being a part of a larger community full of differences and full of love.
          Because these discussions are not taking place just inside of class, but are being lived. I honestly did not know if places better than EMU existed, but here I have found a new community and new sense of being. It is different than EMU because the size is smaller and people are more grown up. Because of this, the community is stronger. There is no hierarchy between professors and students and thus discussions take place at community meals, break times, chapel, and even during ultimate frisbee. These are the activities I take part in with my fellow students, faculty, and staff. We are living out what we are learning in our classes.
          For these reasons, I kind of think everyone should come to seminary! Seminary is not just about becoming church leaders, but questioning our faith and finding ways together to be the body of Christ. I honestly don't know if I am going to use what I learn here as part of a future career, but I don't care. I am going to use what I learn here in life! I think that anyone is wanting to go deeper in their faith and wanting to study more academically should consider going to seminary as a preparation for any career, if it be a pastor, marine biologist, or an astronaut. Here, you are accepted as you are and get to learn with people from different walks of life, very talented professors, and an amazing community.
          And so thus I begin this new journey. I am taking four classes this semester, although one of those was a hybrid that will be over shortly. These classes are Leadership Education in an Anabaptist Perspective, Christian Attitudes Toward War, Peace, and Revolution, Christian Theology I, and Church and Race. It is a lot of work as I am also working almost 25 hours a week to pay rent and such (I work 7ish hours a week at the library on campus, 4ish hours a week on Southside Mennonite Fellowship's Communicator (this is the church I now attend), and another 16 hours a week at a local food co-op.) I am getting very passionate about my studies (as hopefully I have portrayed) and I feel that other parts of my life are also coming together. Next post will be about another one of my new passions, cooking and eating a whole foods plant-based diet!

For Grandma Schmidt

          I am not sure if I have the words to write what I want to say today. I found out last night that my Grandma Schmidt died. I have never been that close my Grandma Schmidt (unlike my Grandma Smith whom you might remember as the one I saw this summer in celebration of her 85th birthday and took a road trip with to Colorado two years ago) and for the last few years Grandma Schmidt has suffered from dementia. I only went a couple of times since she stopped remembering who I was, so I still think of her as healthy and herself. My relationship with her had always been complicated and her death brings up some complicated feelings. I am happy that her suffering is finally over, but I grieve because she was my grandma and I loved her, even if I never felt that she was the role model I wanted in my life.
          As I learn more the older I get, I realize that humans are complicated and our ideas of how life should be is never the reality. Grandma Schmidt was not someone who I saw as a role model, but yet as I look over her life as I have experienced it, I am able to find many things that have been passed down to me for which I am really grateful. The first thing is her love for the church and for God. She made sure her sons went to a Christian high school and college. And even as their faith differed from hers, they both ended up as pastors for some parts of their lives. Faith was essential and even as I have struggled with my own faith, I am thankful for the strong Mennonite tradition that has been emphasized and the openness to a deep relationship with God. I think what struck me the most about the times I visited her in the last couple of years was that she would barely converse at all, but when my dad asked her if she would like to have a Bible verse read, she would perk up and respond that she would really like that. In her last months and years, it was her faith that stayed strong and was what she remembered and valued in life.
          The second thing I remember about my grandma was love. The love was not perfect and often was not what I thought it should be. However, I have no doubt that she loved me and that she really loved my dad. You could just see how proud she was of him. She was proud that he became a pastor and was proud that he was her son. She really loved him. And she loved me. Through knowing her, I came to know that love is a choice. Human love is not always perfect and we don't always show our love in the right way. I firmly believe that we were put on this earth to love. We have the choice to love, even when it's hard. Sometimes loving family members can be difficult because you don't chose who you end up with. However, I believe it is always worthwhile to chose to love even when it is hard. By choosing love, we are able to see each other in a different light. We allow for imperfections while realizing that those imperfections don't matter. What matters is that we are human and are in this life together. There is good in all because we are all made in the image of God. And when we truly love, we reach our full potential as humans.
         So tonight I want to honor a woman who has affected my life in many more ways that I now realize. Tonight I want to honor my grandma, Jeannette Schmidt. I don't know what happens after we die, but I hope you know Grandma that I love you and that I am so thankful for the faith and love that got passed down to me. I am thankful that you were a part of my journey and part of who I am. May you go into peace and go into the deep love that is God.