It seems like forever since I have written. Probably because so much has happened since I last wrote. When I wrote my last post I was still in Ecuador. Now I am back in Indiana. I have planned on writing for a while. I planned to write how amazing my summer has continued. And that is true. I arrived back in the U.S. and immediately began traveling again. I did a week-long roadtrip, once again to the East Coast. I stopped in Ohio to see my parents, Pittsburgh (a surprise detour because of a storm) to see my friends Ruth and Jana, Baltimore to see Darian, Waynesboro/Charlottesville to see Rachel Hershey, and finally a perfect weekend in Richmond, Virginia staying with "my little sister," Rachel Bowman (and tea with my friend Bekah!). It was a whirlwind trip with a lot of catching up with really good friends. These trips give me so much energy as I am reminded how loved I am and how lucky I am to be living this life. I then picked up my friend Josh from Harrisonburg and he came back to Goshen with me. We had a perfect two days as I showed him around town, introduced him to some of my friends, and made a day trip to Warren Dunes on Lake Michigan. He left and I then had three days to get my life together and plan a church service.
Then last week, I went back to work. I am working a lot of hours now at the co-op. At least a lot for me. I forgot how exhausting eight hour shifts are when you are on your feet the whole time doing the same thing. I enjoy interacting with customers and my coworkers, but I must say that I prefer traveling to working. It has been really nice, though, not to think about school work. Instead, I spend my days off running errands (I am currently housesitting/dogsitting, so mowing grass and dishes need to be done) and spending lots of time with friends. I have hosted a couple of dinners and have been busy. For the most part, it has been an amazing summer.
And yet, I am writing today because it has been a bad couple of days. I have been extremely tired and crabby for no good reasons. Today, I came home from work exhausted and fell asleep on the couch and thus missed my ultimate frisbee game, then overate, then was just mad at myself and watched bad tv before trying to go to bed early. Finally, I gave up and decided to get over myself and spent an hour cleaning the kitchen. As I washed dished and listened to This American Life, I felt my bad mood fading away. I became reflective and thus here I am writing. I am still tired, and I am still not very happy, but I am calm.
It is so weird to believe that I moved back to the U.S. a year ago. This year has certainly had its ups and downs. But I am glad to be back in the U.S. I am happy with the choices I have made and the ways I have acted. This is not to say I have always made the best decisions, but slowly I am learning to cope with what life throws at me. I am learning how to be myself in new situations and be okay with uncertainty. That is probably what I have learned most in this year. I went to seminary looking for answers and found only more questions. A year ago, I had a plan of what I was going to do with my life and now I don't. However, with the exception of bad days such as yesterday and today, I am happy. I find myself embracing the questions and embracing an unknown future. I realize that I am so young with my whole life ahead of me. There is so much time to figure out what I am going to do, and that is also probably going to change a hundred times in the next sixty years. I am always going to have questions and most probably won't find answers. But it all comes back to adventure.
I have been a bit obsessed with the word adventure for a few years. But it just describes so well the way I want (and do!) live my life. I don't know what's going to happen and I don't know the answers. Some days I think I know myself really well and others I have no idea who I am. But these questions, these journeys, these ups and downs are all a part of this grand adventure. And what an adventure! Not only was I able to explore an amazing new country this year, I made myself a home in Goshen, Indiana. I have finished my first year of grad school, but more importantly, I have developed really important friendships. Even during the last couple of bad days, I have been so thankful for the the smiles and laughs of my friends here. A little over a year ago, I had no idea that my adventure would take me here and would have cringed at the thought. But here I am, and for the most part, I am glad to be here.
Well this was a lot of rambling, that probably didn't go anywhere. But it feels good to be writing again (and from a computer!) and it feels good to process some thoughts after a couple of bad days. Hopefully, I will write again soon and next time try to have more of a point and more cohesive thoughts. Oh well, not every blog post can be a work of art.
Then last week, I went back to work. I am working a lot of hours now at the co-op. At least a lot for me. I forgot how exhausting eight hour shifts are when you are on your feet the whole time doing the same thing. I enjoy interacting with customers and my coworkers, but I must say that I prefer traveling to working. It has been really nice, though, not to think about school work. Instead, I spend my days off running errands (I am currently housesitting/dogsitting, so mowing grass and dishes need to be done) and spending lots of time with friends. I have hosted a couple of dinners and have been busy. For the most part, it has been an amazing summer.
And yet, I am writing today because it has been a bad couple of days. I have been extremely tired and crabby for no good reasons. Today, I came home from work exhausted and fell asleep on the couch and thus missed my ultimate frisbee game, then overate, then was just mad at myself and watched bad tv before trying to go to bed early. Finally, I gave up and decided to get over myself and spent an hour cleaning the kitchen. As I washed dished and listened to This American Life, I felt my bad mood fading away. I became reflective and thus here I am writing. I am still tired, and I am still not very happy, but I am calm.
It is so weird to believe that I moved back to the U.S. a year ago. This year has certainly had its ups and downs. But I am glad to be back in the U.S. I am happy with the choices I have made and the ways I have acted. This is not to say I have always made the best decisions, but slowly I am learning to cope with what life throws at me. I am learning how to be myself in new situations and be okay with uncertainty. That is probably what I have learned most in this year. I went to seminary looking for answers and found only more questions. A year ago, I had a plan of what I was going to do with my life and now I don't. However, with the exception of bad days such as yesterday and today, I am happy. I find myself embracing the questions and embracing an unknown future. I realize that I am so young with my whole life ahead of me. There is so much time to figure out what I am going to do, and that is also probably going to change a hundred times in the next sixty years. I am always going to have questions and most probably won't find answers. But it all comes back to adventure.
I have been a bit obsessed with the word adventure for a few years. But it just describes so well the way I want (and do!) live my life. I don't know what's going to happen and I don't know the answers. Some days I think I know myself really well and others I have no idea who I am. But these questions, these journeys, these ups and downs are all a part of this grand adventure. And what an adventure! Not only was I able to explore an amazing new country this year, I made myself a home in Goshen, Indiana. I have finished my first year of grad school, but more importantly, I have developed really important friendships. Even during the last couple of bad days, I have been so thankful for the the smiles and laughs of my friends here. A little over a year ago, I had no idea that my adventure would take me here and would have cringed at the thought. But here I am, and for the most part, I am glad to be here.
Well this was a lot of rambling, that probably didn't go anywhere. But it feels good to be writing again (and from a computer!) and it feels good to process some thoughts after a couple of bad days. Hopefully, I will write again soon and next time try to have more of a point and more cohesive thoughts. Oh well, not every blog post can be a work of art.
