Senior Year... YIKES!

          I cannot believe that I am back at EMU for my final year of college! Where have the past three years gone?!? I got here a week ago after a fun road trip down here with my parents. We left on a Friday afternoon, drove to Cincinnati and watched a Reds game that night (in which they soundly destroyed the Cubs!!!!) then spent the night in a hotel. The next afternoon we went to the Western & Southern Open professional tennis tournament also held in Cincinnati every year. We saw the Novak Djokovic beat Juan Martin Del Potro and Roger Federer beat Stan Wawrinka in the men's semifinals (Roger went on to win the event). After tennis we drove to Charleston, West Virginia for the night before completing our journey to Harrisonburg.
          This past week I have been on campus for PA training and orientation. Here on campus a PA stands for Pastoral Assistant. As a PA, I am in charge of mentoring a group of Ministry Assistants (MA's) who lead Bible studies in the dorms, helping with Chapels, and other things Campus Ministry related. The week was really good beginning with a retreat with the other six PA's and campus pastors, then getting to know all the new MA's. Saturday, then, I helped Freshmen move into the dorms and help with a couple things for Freshmen and Transfers orientation. Part of these duties come from my new position as Student Government Association (SGA) secretary. Last spring no one ran for this position so the co-presidents nominated me as someone they believed would do a good job. SGA is mainly in charge of distributing money to different clubs and causes and it will be my job to record minutes for the meetings and meet weekly with the executive council.
          As mentioned in previous blogs, I will also be co-president of Peace Fellowship again, focusing on the Conflict-Free Campus Initiative. Josh and I are meeting tomorrow to discuss the semester and our first event, a documentary called Blood in the Mobile is showing in 2 weeks from tonight! Another fun duty I have taken on is "Chicken Mother." The Earthkeeps club on campus takes care of the campus chickens and I have volunteered to be in charge of them while the normal person is in Washington DC for the semester. As Chicken Mother I put together a list of people to feed and water them everyday and just make sure they are all right and doing anything extra that needs to be done (such as cleaning the coop that I did on Thursday). We have 13 chickens, although we think now 2 are roosters which could cause problems. I am expecting that they will become my pets as we go throughout the semester.
          If you don't think I am busy enough, I will also be working weekends at Back Home on the Farm, a local farm that has a corn maze and other fun activities for kids. I do like working in the farm environments and decided that this could be a fun way to make a little extra cash in September and October. I also will be doing some tutoring again in the Academic Support Center (where I have worked for the past two years) when they need me.
         So in between all these other roles, I also plan on taking some classes. I register today and hope to only be taking 13 credits this semester. I am not for sure on exactly what classes yet, but I will post once I have that finalized. But I can say that I am really looking forward to the ones I think I am going to take and really to the whole semester. It will be busy, but I think very rewarding. It really is crazy that I am a senior, and I don't really want this to end, but I am now realizing that there are other adventures waiting on the horizon.

Holding Dignity in the Community of Faith

          At the end of March, I participated in the annual Henry C. Smith Oratorial Contest in which participants from the different Mennonite schools get the chance to give a speech that incorporates the Mennonite value of peacemaking and a current world issue. I gave my speech on dignity in the church and ended up getting second at EMU. Below is the printed version of my speech for any of those who might be interested on reading some of my thoughts.

          Dignity, “the quality or state of being worthy, honored, or esteemed.”[1] Most people would say they understand the word dignity, but fail to recognize dignity as more than respect, but a birthright all humans have as Donna Hicks explains in her book Dignity. The book lays out  ten essential elements of dignity:  acceptance of identity, inclusion, safety, acknowledgment, recognition, fairness, benefit of the doubt, understanding, independence, and accountability.[2] When one of these ten elements is violated, anger and withdrawal often occur. Since dignity is essential for all humans, it needs to be demonstrated within the community of faith. Today, I want to share with you two experiences of mine, which have led me to a new concept of what peace can look like within the church and how the concept of dignity can transform the way we live in relationship as a community of faith.

      My first story comes from the congregation I was a member of from middle school until high school graduation. This large congregation had a wide range of strongly differing theological beliefs and doctrine. Many people in the congregation believed that theologically there were very little gray areas and if you questioned their beliefs, you were seen as wrong for even raising questions. These differing beliefs, although they had always been present, had often been shoved under a mat and were rarely discussed. However, halfway through my junior year in high school these differences were brought to the forefront as a new pastor came into the congregation. Meetings were held about the direction that community of faith should be taking. Instead of productive conversation and deep listening to each other about the different opinions and doctrines, people literally yelled their beliefs to the whole congregation and refused to listen to those who spoke from a different point of view. People tried to get their point and agenda across without any respect to whom they were hurting in the process. I was confused and angry. I could not understand how people who were supposed to be my faith family could treat their fellow church members so badly. I was hurt and broken by the experience and for a time lost all hope in the church. 

            After high school graduation, my family moved to a different state, left that congregation, and I came to my university. Then last spring I needed a summer job and also wanted to use the summer to reconnect and find a different version of church than that which I had experienced. I decided to participate in the Ministry Inquiry Program. Through the Ministry Inquiry Program, I ended up in a large city in Texas, at a congregation of about 75 attendees. I had never been to Texas before and knew very little about the church before going. However, I talked on the phone with the pastor and learned that the congregation was not experiencing conflict and was open to different theologies; the two essential elements to my search of possible placements.

Once in Texas, the pastor explained to me how as the only Mennonite church in the area, it attracted many different people who would not normally worship together if they lived in an area such as Harrisonburg, VA, which has a large variety of Mennonite churches.  I am not going to pretend that there were no problems in at the church with regard to the differing theologies, but instead of destructive conflict like in my previous congregation, I experienced something completely different.

Near the beginning of my summer I became a part of a small group of women from the congregation who were reading The Heart of Christianity by Marcus Borg. For those who are not familiar with the book, Borg presents a liberal theological reading of Jesus and the Bible. Some in the book study related very closely with this theology, while others were in complete opposition to some of the ideas expressed in the book. With a wide range of opinions, I expected people to become defensive, especially those whose beliefs were being questioned by the author of the book.

However, this did not happen. Instead of becoming defensive, this group of women opened up with each other and me as they expressed their feelings and beliefs, while being open to hearing a new point of view. At the end of the book, they agreed to disagree with each other, but all felt closer to each other and had a greater understanding and respect of their differing beliefs. They demonstrated that fostering a good relationship with each other and respecting different beliefs was more important than trying to persuade and change each other’s views.

This group of women was not the exception in this Texas congregation. Throughout the entire church I found a deep respect for one another and all different types of views. For the attendees of the church, having a correct doctrine and being theologically correct was not the most important thing. Instead, for them, they believed to be Christ’s true body and live in close community with one another meant living in right relationships. I believe it was because of this attitude that there was not much conflict and instead of spending energy on fighting, people were able to get engaged in church life and the surrounding community, working to spread peace around the world.

So what was the difference between the Texas congregation and my church growing up? Why was one able to create peace, while in the other conflict just festered and grew? I believe one answer to this question comes from the intentionality that existed in Texas. The Texas church was a smaller community that spent a lot of time with each other inside of church and outside. I spent many evenings going to member’s houses for parties and informal get-togethers. In many ways they reminded me of the early church body from Acts. Acts 2: 42-47 says,

They devoted themselves to the apostles; teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. .. All the believers were together and had everything in common. They sold property and possessions to give anyone who had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people.[3]

This is how the church in Texas acted. Every time I met with people, I felt their sincere hearts and truly joyful praise. Their intentionality about spending time together, praying together, often sharing meals together, serving the poor and needy together and even figuring out the finances of the church together led to a body that knew each other extremely well and was able to see each other’s humanity in able to work out differences better, leading to a more peaceful community despite the differences that existed.

In Jonathan Wilson-Hartgrove’s book, New Monasticism, he describes how the early church in Acts also had divisive issues. Throughout the New Testament you see divisions such as Jew and Gentile. However, this early church was able to find unity despite these differences. Hartgrove writes, “Unity across dividing lines was what distinguished the early church—so much so that they require a new name.”[4] The name Christian was a new word that this new body of believers decided to call themselves. Being intentional about being the church despite differences is what being Christian is all about.

Looking back on my two experiences, I believe dignity is the difference. In my old church, people did not respect each other’s dignity. I know I felt my own dignity violated. I did not feel my identity being accepted, I did not feel included, safe, acknowledged or even recognized. I most definitely did not feel understood. And when one person’s dignity was violated, often in response, in their anger and frustration, people violated someone else’s dignity. The people in the church were not bad people, and I do not believe they meant to harm each other in the way they did. However, the church did not understand dignity and how dignity is essential to all humans, and especially when attempting to be a community of Christ.

Texas was different because through their intentionality they were able to hold each other’s dignity. Within their conversations and actions, the congregation was able to embrace one another and respect the essential elements of dignity. By holding each other’s dignity, I believe the church can be transformed and be the place of peace God meant for it to be. In the end, I believe that taking care of one another and loving each other to protect dignity is more important than having the correct doctrine or theology. When we hold each other’s dignity, we truly become the body of Christ.

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[1]             “dignity.” Merriam-Webster.com, 2012, http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/dignity,  retrieved  12 March 2012.

[2]             Hicks, Donna, Dignity: the essential role it plays in resolving conflict, New Haven: Yale University Press, 2011.

[3]              Acts 2:42-27 (Today’s New International Version).

[4]             Hartgrove, Jonathan, New monasticism: what it has to say to today's church, Grand Rapids, Mich.: Brazos Press, 2008.

Within the Prison Walls

          One of the most meaningful experiences of last semester, and probably of my entire life, was a weekend I spent at Graterford Correctional Facility in Pennsylvania. I went with my restorative justice class and while in the prison, the class was split in three groups. Each group met with a separate group of inmates participating in the Alternative to Violence Program. We would spend three mornings, two afternoons, and one evening talking to the men and learning and practicing different listening techniques to build relationships and a more peaceful society. We spent a lot of the time talking one-on-one with the men and in the short time we were there, formed deep relationships.

         Many of the men (it was an all men's prison) had committed violent crimes and several of them were serving life sentences. However, the men that I met with had changed since that time and now are some of the smartest, kindest, most sincere people that I have ever met! The weekend brought so many different emotions and taught me so many different lessons. I still have not processed the experience and think of the men often. My experience meant so much to me and I want to make sure that I remember the lessons I learned and change appropriately. So below is part of the letter I recently sent to my groups facilitator (an inmate himself) that describes part of my change.

          

          "When the time came for my class’s field trip to Graterford, I honestly did not want to go.    I was struggling with some depression and did not think that a prison would be a place to find happiness. However, I was wrong. I felt more love and acceptance during that weekend than I experienced all year. During those days at Graterford with you and the other men, I felt completely accepted in who I was. I come from a really great home life and count myself blessed with a loving family and the best of friends. But even so, I do not feel the level of acceptance in my daily life that I felt there in prison. And in those walls, I found that it was also easier to accept myself. I never expected to feel those kinds of feelings and to find deep bonds and connections with the men.

          I also learned so much about the prejudices that I still hold in my own life. I do not believe that I am a hateful person, but I realized that I judge people upon sight and look for differences at first, instead of similarities. Since my time at Graterford, I have tried to judge a person by the quality of his or her heart, instead of outside appearances or past mistakes they made. You and the other men made me realize that we all have made mistakes, but that does not make us bad people. There is always hope that a person can change. And more than that, I now believe that people are a lot more similar than we first realize. When we begin to listen to each other and truly treat one another as human beings, we will realize that we have a lot in common.

            Lastly, the experience gave me hope; hope that love and goodness lives even in the darkest places. There is hope that the world can change and by working together and listening to one another the world will become a better place. I truly believe this now and am trying my best to live it out in my own life." 

          The prison system in the United States needs major reforms. The people who go to serve time end up going back into prisons not having learned anything. We need a system where people can pay for their crimes, but then learn how to make better choices and be good citizens. Hope does exist and new approaches are beginning to take place. I just finished reading the book Dreams From the Monster Factory by Sunny Schwartz that talks about Sunny's experience working in the prison system of San Francisco and the good and evil that exists and how restorative justice practices are beginning to take place. I would highly recommend this book to anyone that wants to learn more the current system and the challenges that lie ahead. 

          More than anything, I want people to know that there are some great people behind bars. Yes, there are also some true monsters. But we cannot forget all of them them and leave them to a system that degrades them as less than humans and takes away their inherent dignity. So as you say your nightly prayers, remember my friends in Graterford and always keep the hope that people can change and aren't nearly as different from you as you might think.

Finding My Faith Again

          This past weekend, I went down to Cincinnati, Ohio to St. Clare Monastery. Last semester was really stressful and hard on me and I did not feel like I have recovered. So I decided to take a couple of days to go be by myself and see if I could find God and the faith I feel like I was lacking. The experience was more than I could imagine. I realized that God had never left me and that my faith never disappeared, but had only been in a depression that faith tends to do. Because the faith journey is never a straight line but has its ups and downs, just like life. Faith does not make life easier, but actually complicates things. However, the beauty of faith and of God is that there is an ever-flowing amount of love and beauty that at times can overwhelm you.

          I think that the best description of my time at the monastery can be described as the following written by a new blogger I have been following, Glennon Melton. She writes, [A monastery is] a sacred place, apart from the world, where a seeker can figure out what matters and catch glimpses of God... [It] is an open window. It’s a place to take a deep breath. It’s a place to drop out and tune in. It’s a place to stop striving, stop competing, stop suspecting, stop hiding. It’s a place to tell and hear the truth. To grow and rest. To be big and brave or small and silent. It’s a place to learn that perfection is a mirage…it’ll always disappear just before you arrive. [It]  is a place to get lost and found. It’s a place to love and be loved. It’s a touch stone. It’s a place to listen and be listened to. [A Monastery] is a place to practice living bigger, bolder, and truer on this Earth. It’s a place to practice disagreeing with love and respect. It’s a place to remember what you already know: that Love Wins and that We Can Do Hard Things."

         And thus during my time in the monastery, I was able to be honest with myself and refocus. I have changed a lot over the years and so has my theology and how I view God and God's working in the world. However, I realize that just because my faith looks different, it is no less real and alive. So for all of you who want to know, this is what I believe. I believe that Jesus came to show us an example of how we live and the main idea that he taught is to love everyone and it is this love that will change the world. I love Melton's description of being reborn. She writes, "The first time you’re born, you identify the people in the room as your family. The second time you’re born, you identify the whole world as your family. Christianity is not about joining a particular club, it’s about waking up to the fact that we are all in the same club. Every last one of us. So avoid discussions about who’s in and who’s out at all costs. Everybody’s in. That’s what makes it beautiful. And hard. If working out your faith is not beautiful and hard, find a new one to work out. And if spiritual teachers are encouraging you to fear anyone, watch them closely. Raise your eyebrow and then your hand. Because the phrase repeated most often in that Bible they are quoting is Do Not Be Afraid."

          In regard to the Bible, I believe it is inspired by God, but written by people living in a different time and different culture. We need to read it as a great work of literature that can help us live our lives to the fullest and a way to hear God's voice. However, it is also full of what seems to be contradictions. When looking at what seems to be contradictions I like to keep the following in mind (also from Melton's blog) "Each Christian uses different criteria to decide what parts of the Bible to prioritize and demonstrate in their lives. Our criteria is that if it doesn’t bring us closer to seeing humanity as one, as connected, if it turns our judgment outward instead of inward, if it doesn’t help us become better lovers of God and others, if it distracts us from remembering what we are really supposed to be doing down here, which is finding God in every human being, serving each other before ourselves, feeding hungry people, comforting the sick and sad, giving up everything we have for others, laying down our lives for our friends . . . then we just assume we don’t understand it yet, we put it on a shelf, and we move on. Because all I need to know is that I am reborn."

          I know that not all people agree with me, but that is ok, because I am learning that God can work through all of us and even when times are hard and we do not understand, God is still there. Hope still exists in the world, and it is this hope that I hang on to. And when the time comes when I fall down, I plan to go back to monastery to once again refocus and catch a glimpse of God. 

For those who want to read more, here is the link to the blog I am quoting http://momastery.com/blog/2012/01/22/a-mountain-im-willing-to-die-on-2/