The end of my delegation

          Well I am finally coming to end of my crazy days of blog posting. Please let me know if anyone actually read all of the posts... I would love to know who my avid readers really are! But anyways, I really wanted to leave some stories and background for those who have been a part of my life journey and were curious to know. I did not tell every single story, but I am sure many more will come out as I continue to reflect on this life-changing experience. For anyone who is curious about anything I have written, please leave a comment or shoot me an email at julias.nicole@gmail.com. I would really love to hear from you!

         So my last night in Suli was spent packing and a little crying. I cried because I didn't want to leave. I didn't want to leave that place where I felt at home. I didn't want to think about the possibility that I might never see it again. However I got through the next morning's closing worship and was taken to the airport to fly back to Istanbul for the night before flying back to the US the next day. I hated that night in Istanbul. I really wanted to enjoy exploring a new city full of history, but all I wanted to do was get out. I felt so empty after leaving Iraq and could not wait to leave the touristy area of Istanbul and just be home. 

         The flight back was really good for me. I was a mess when I boarded and even just reading back through my journal from the plane ride, you can tell the ups and downs of my emotions. I wrote near the beginning of the flight, "Honestly, I am scared to be back. I feel so different and I have no desire to be back. I don't know how to interact with people or what to say when people ask about my trip. Right now I just want to cry when I think about it. But this could also be my tiredness acting."

          But by the end of the flight I was feeling much better. My ending words from my journal sum up a lot of how I am feeling now as I work on processing and beginning to tell my story.

"Now is not the time to go into depression because I miss Iraq and heard a lot of heavy things. I need to look at the positive.... I learned so much and met some amazing people. I was entrusted with sacred stories and I now get to share theses with others. I learned more about myself and the world. I saw the best of humanity and am changed because of it. I need to keep focusing on the positive and like the mullah, I need to be at peace with myself and my actions and always be looking for the blessings of life."