Sunday, April 7, 2013

The Final Three Weeks!

         Three weeks from today I graduate from college. This seems so weird to me; I don't believe it can possibly be true! I have so many emotions right now and am having a hard time trying process everything that is happening. First, I am feeling stressed. It is the end of the semester and EVERYTHING is coming due. I just turned in the rough draft of my History Capstone paper, which I spent the entire year working on (especially in the last week). I will still have editing to do on that and three (maybe four) other papers to write. I also have a couple of presentations (one at an undergraduate conference at JMU!) and one take-home exam. Other items that are causing stress are last minute planning of events and the normal busyness of meetings and events to be at. I also have applications to finish and the future to stress about. Which brings me to my next emotions: anxiety and disappointment.
          As a Senior about to graduate, it seems that I should know what I am doing next year, or even this summer. But, this is simply not true. I have already been turned down by two different organizations (one for summer employment and one for the fall) and it is really frustrating. The one job I knew when I applied that it was a reach for me since I do not have much experience, but it was still really disappointing not to get. Although I know that something is going to work out (I WILL be doing volunteer work for one of five organizations in the fall), it is hard to hear others know their plans and me to have only two rejections. I won't deny that I am a little anxious about the future and this week has been hard for me as I have dealt with rejection and disappointment.
          But, I have also spent some great time with amazing friends. Friday night I was with some of my favorite people just hanging out and watching a movie. Last night I went out for drinks with a close friend to catch up and just process life before seeing Les Mis. Although I have seen Les Mis twice before and have listened to the soundtrack countless times, it was still a powerful experience. The one line that really gets to me is at the end, "To love another person is to see the face of God." Loving is one thing I think I have done really well at college. My friends mean the world to me and the time I spend drinking tea and just being crazy with them is when I know that God exists and the world makes sense. I feel overwhelmed by the love in my life.
          Finally, I just feel so blessed. EMU might have its faults, but it really is a good place. One of the best aspects of the school are the relationships I have with professors. This week, one of my favorite professors, who I don't even have a class with this semseter, took the time to read a draft of my history paper and then spend an hour with me talking about it and suggesting ways to make it better. Then on Thursday night, another professor came over to my apartment for Peace Fellowship and we got to hear part of her life story. It was amazing to have that time to connect with a professor outside of class and have the space to ask any questions. Here at EMU, you know that professors truly care for you and believe that you will succeed. I really am blessed to have been here these four years and build these relationships.
         So how am I feeling? Tired, stressed, anxious, disappointed, sad, happy, silly, loved, and blessed. I cannot believe that I am about to graduate and that college will be done. I spent so much of my life looking forward to this adventure and I have done my best to live in every moment of it. And as such I plan to spend these next three weeks doing just that -- living every single moment to its fullest and soaking up these last few moments as an undergraduate student. 

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