Career Changes

     I can't believe summer is already half over and it is the middle of July! So many changes have happened in the past few months that is has flown by. When I graduated from seminary a year ago, I didn't quite know what to expect for the beginning of my career. I had hoped to start a job as a community organizer or working for immigrant justice in some way, since that is how I spent the last three years of my time in seminary. However, looking for this specific job in Goshen proved more difficult than I expected. I accepted the job working with homeless as a way to continue in the human rights field. I do not regret this choice, as it taught me so much about the hardships of life and the reality that many people live in. I met some beautiful people and learned a lot. I received so much positive feedback from my supervisor, my clients, and other nonprofits I worked with. However, as I alluded to in my last blog post, the job was took its toll on me emotionally as I over-empathized with my clients and took on their pain and stress. I came home crying so many days and felt myself go into a deep depression. I found myself a good therapist and worked on learning skills of leaving work at work and self-care. But this did not seem to be enough. As much as I wanted to continue in my job and help my clients, I had to recognize that this job was not a good fit for me. I now have so much respect for social workers, but I am not one. I left the job, my first full-time job, in the middle of May without a plan for what was next.
      The first couple of weeks being unemployed were great, while at the same time a little unnerving. Immediately after turning in my two week notice, I was able to sleep better and found my depression lifting. I was able to spend time painting the upstairs of our house and spending lots of time with my pet bunny and hedgehog. I didn't put pressure on myself to find a job right away, but began putting out applications and cover letters. I did not get a couple of jobs I applied for and wondered if I would have to go to my back-up plan of working at Aldi for a time. However, it was just a short time until I had two interviews for part-time jobs. The first was at the Center for Healing and Hope, a local nonprofit that provides medical care for people without insurance, as well as advocacy for immigrants. I was offered and accepted the part-time position of Immigrant Resource Coordinator, helping to run the Goshen Resident ID program, as well as providing other resources to immigrants in my community. I knew of the organization already through my work in immigration and it has been an easy transition to work there with an amazing team!
           The second job I was hired at was as an intern at Flowers by Phoebe, a local floral shop that uses local flowers in a CSA, market bunches, as well as weddings, funerals, and more. I had met Phoebe while working at Maple City Market when she used to come every Friday night for CSA pick up there. Shortly after I resigned from my position, I was in her shop during a First Friday and thought I would ask about possible employment. Phoebe and I had a conversation and she told me to come back after Mother's Day to talk further. The flower shop is going through a transition and it actuarlly turned out to be a perfect time for me to come on as an intern this summer to learn to be a floral designer, then be hired on more permanently in the fall after my training is over. If you have read my blog for years, you will know that I am very interested in art and so floral designing has come naturally to me as it is just another form of art. So far, I absolutely love it! I cannot wait for the days that I am in the flower shop! I have learned so much so far and love the chance to design and learn all about the different flowers that we use! Just as art has been a kind of therapy for me, this job is proving to be so good for my soul. It uses my creative side and gives me an outlet away from the heavy side of life.
     Since both the Center for Healing and Hope and floral designing were part-time, I was still looking for another job. After a couple more weeks of searching and interviewing, I accepted a half time position at Anabaptist Mennonite Biblical Seminary, my alma mater. The Church Leadership Center there had been given a large grant by the Lily Foundation to create new programs for pastors. I am now working as the Program Administrator for the new programs as well as other programs in the Church Leadership Center. I will be working with new pastors as they transition into ministry, as well as seasoned pastors who are experiencing other transitions. It feels so good to be back at the school that I love so much, taking on new responsibility and working with people I respect and enjoy being around. It is a great community and I am so glad to be back as an employee!
     This might seem like a lot, but it has been so good so far! I love the variety of work that I do and all the different people I work with. Most of my days are spent working with other women, which has been so refreshing! I like the pace and the fact that my days are different. I am using my seminary degree as well as my creative side. I get to continue my work for immigrant justice and be paid for it. I find myself enjoying my time at home a lot more now that I am not carrying my stress home with me. I find myself being with friends more, spending more quality time with my husband, and able to work on projects that I want to do, but didn't have the energy before. My new career is definitely not what I expected upon graduating from seminary, but I am so happy and excited for this next phase of life and career! 

The last year

      Two nights ago my husband and I went out to celebrate our anniversary... it had been two years since we met on a blind date for coffee and one year since we got engaged. We went to our favorite restaurant, Noa Noa, in Warsaw, Indiana to celebrate. As we ate our dinner we took turns answering questions that I found online to reflect on the past year (https://theartofsimple.net/new-years-eve-reflection-questions/). Some questions were quite easy to answer, such as "What was the single best thing to happen this year?" We both answered, "Getting married." Others, such as "Pick three words to describe this past year," were more difficult. For it has been quite a year.
      The first part of the year was finishing up seminary. After being in school for so many years, I was tired and so it was a real struggle to make it to the end. But, I look back now and think that was the easiest part of the year for I knew what I was doing and what needed to get done to finish the semester and my academic career. After graduation, I struggled looking for jobs and trying to figure out what to do with my life. I was also very busy with my work with the Elkhart-Goshen Sanctuary Coalition, training people in my county on how to show up in protest if Immigration and Customs Enforcement came to make arrests. These "Rapid Response" trainings brought a lot of meaning and passion to my life, but also took a lot of energy and planning. Our group also wanted to host an event to give out the Solidarity Hotline number to the community and this mini-festival ended up taking place one week before my wedding.
     Jon and I got married in a beautiful outdoor ceremony on September 23, 2018 on Mt. Princeton near Buena Vista, Colorado. My grandparents built a cabin on Mt. Princeton in the early 80's and I have spent my life going there at least a week every year and from a young age, it has been my dream to get married there. We could not have asked for a more perfect weekend. Friends and family from across the country flew in to help us celebrate. The day itself had perfect blue skies and warm weather as we said our vows to each other. My parents officiated the service, which made it all the more meaningful. So many of our friends and family participated in the ceremony. For our reception, we went to the Buena Vista Community Center and enjoyed wood-fired pizza and a trail-mix bar. Instead of dancing, we had a corn hole tournament. After the reception, Jon and I stayed three extra days relaxing in the nearby town of Salida for a mini-honeymoon. So much energy and time went into the planning of this event and it was so gratifying to see the hard-work pay off and to enjoy the day with all the people I love most in the world, celebrating the sacred vows that Jon and I made to each other.
     A week after the wedding, I began a new job as Care Facilitator for homeless individuals at a community mental health center. The past three months in this position have been extremely challenging for me. I have felt much like I did when I lived in Croatia. I am doing something completely new and not receiving constant positive feedback like I did when I have been in school. School always came easy to me and was something that I knew how to do and how to do well. Being in a new career, in a field I have not studied, I did not know what to do right away. I have had to learn essentially a whole new language and set of skills. The learning curve has been high and it has been hard to give myself grace for not being perfect at it. In my position, I create my own schedule as I meet with clients and find ways to help them find resources such as housing, mental health services, physicians, and most of all hope.
     I think giving hope is the biggest part of my job and most difficult. I see people in crisis and walk with people through some of the most difficult times of their lives. I have learned that the majority of homelessness is caused by the lack of affordable housing. I don't have houses or apartments to rent out to my clients, but instead offer to walk with them their journey and assist them as they fill out applications and contact landlords. I listen as clients tell me difficult stories of difficulties they have gone through. I try to be there and be a support and tell them that life can get better. Some days I believe what I tell them as I have helped several people find housing and helped others get into needed medical services to address depression, anxiety, addiction, and other challenges. I have seen how a community can make all the difference in the world and how a little hope can go a long ways.
But there are others days I feel like I am giving out false promises and hope. My own faith is tested as I hear story upon story of abuse and witness injustice first-hand. I feel myself take on the burdens of my clients as I become emotionally invested in their lives. And it is hard. There is no other way to put it; my job is so hard. Giving out hope is hard in midst of an unjust world full of imperfect humans.
     Through all these things, it has definitely been Jon who has brought joy to my life. He is a beautiful human being who is my biggest cheerleader and my closest friend and confidant. He holds me close on the days I come home from work crying and does his best to listen, but not try to fix my problems. He pushes me to be my best self, while loving me at my worst. He works incredibly hard at his job as a carpenter for a local non-profit, while lovingly renovating our own house on the evenings and weekends. I love him more than I knew it was possible to love another human being. Entering this marriage relationship has taken a lot of work and energy, but it is the best work possible. I have even learned to love when we disagree and fight because it means we are vulnerable and committed to making this work even during the hard times. I don't know how I would have made it through this year without him.
     So here's to another year ahead. Here's to a year full of challenges and hopefully a year filled with hope. But most of all, here's to a year filled with love as I continue to explore the infinite abyss.