Two nights ago my husband and I went out to celebrate our anniversary... it had been two years since we met on a blind date for coffee and one year since we got engaged. We went to our favorite restaurant, Noa Noa, in Warsaw, Indiana to celebrate. As we ate our dinner we took turns answering questions that I found online to reflect on the past year (https://theartofsimple.net/new-years-eve-reflection-questions/). Some questions were quite easy to answer, such as "What was the single best thing to happen this year?" We both answered, "Getting married." Others, such as "Pick three words to describe this past year," were more difficult. For it has been quite a year.
The first part of the year was finishing up seminary. After being in school for so many years, I was tired and so it was a real struggle to make it to the end. But, I look back now and think that was the easiest part of the year for I knew what I was doing and what needed to get done to finish the semester and my academic career. After graduation, I struggled looking for jobs and trying to figure out what to do with my life. I was also very busy with my work with the Elkhart-Goshen Sanctuary Coalition, training people in my county on how to show up in protest if Immigration and Customs Enforcement came to make arrests. These "Rapid Response" trainings brought a lot of meaning and passion to my life, but also took a lot of energy and planning. Our group also wanted to host an event to give out the Solidarity Hotline number to the community and this mini-festival ended up taking place one week before my wedding.
Jon and I got married in a beautiful outdoor ceremony on September 23, 2018 on Mt. Princeton near Buena Vista, Colorado. My grandparents built a cabin on Mt. Princeton in the early 80's and I have spent my life going there at least a week every year and from a young age, it has been my dream to get married there. We could not have asked for a more perfect weekend. Friends and family from across the country flew in to help us celebrate. The day itself had perfect blue skies and warm weather as we said our vows to each other. My parents officiated the service, which made it all the more meaningful. So many of our friends and family participated in the ceremony. For our reception, we went to the Buena Vista Community Center and enjoyed wood-fired pizza and a trail-mix bar. Instead of dancing, we had a corn hole tournament. After the reception, Jon and I stayed three extra days relaxing in the nearby town of Salida for a mini-honeymoon. So much energy and time went into the planning of this event and it was so gratifying to see the hard-work pay off and to enjoy the day with all the people I love most in the world, celebrating the sacred vows that Jon and I made to each other.
A week after the wedding, I began a new job as Care Facilitator for homeless individuals at a community mental health center. The past three months in this position have been extremely challenging for me. I have felt much like I did when I lived in Croatia. I am doing something completely new and not receiving constant positive feedback like I did when I have been in school. School always came easy to me and was something that I knew how to do and how to do well. Being in a new career, in a field I have not studied, I did not know what to do right away. I have had to learn essentially a whole new language and set of skills. The learning curve has been high and it has been hard to give myself grace for not being perfect at it. In my position, I create my own schedule as I meet with clients and find ways to help them find resources such as housing, mental health services, physicians, and most of all hope.
I think giving hope is the biggest part of my job and most difficult. I see people in crisis and walk with people through some of the most difficult times of their lives. I have learned that the majority of homelessness is caused by the lack of affordable housing. I don't have houses or apartments to rent out to my clients, but instead offer to walk with them their journey and assist them as they fill out applications and contact landlords. I listen as clients tell me difficult stories of difficulties they have gone through. I try to be there and be a support and tell them that life can get better. Some days I believe what I tell them as I have helped several people find housing and helped others get into needed medical services to address depression, anxiety, addiction, and other challenges. I have seen how a community can make all the difference in the world and how a little hope can go a long ways.
But there are others days I feel like I am giving out false promises and hope. My own faith is tested as I hear story upon story of abuse and witness injustice first-hand. I feel myself take on the burdens of my clients as I become emotionally invested in their lives. And it is hard. There is no other way to put it; my job is so hard. Giving out hope is hard in midst of an unjust world full of imperfect humans.
Through all these things, it has definitely been Jon who has brought joy to my life. He is a beautiful human being who is my biggest cheerleader and my closest friend and confidant. He holds me close on the days I come home from work crying and does his best to listen, but not try to fix my problems. He pushes me to be my best self, while loving me at my worst. He works incredibly hard at his job as a carpenter for a local non-profit, while lovingly renovating our own house on the evenings and weekends. I love him more than I knew it was possible to love another human being. Entering this marriage relationship has taken a lot of work and energy, but it is the best work possible. I have even learned to love when we disagree and fight because it means we are vulnerable and committed to making this work even during the hard times. I don't know how I would have made it through this year without him.
So here's to another year ahead. Here's to a year full of challenges and hopefully a year filled with hope. But most of all, here's to a year filled with love as I continue to explore the infinite abyss.
The first part of the year was finishing up seminary. After being in school for so many years, I was tired and so it was a real struggle to make it to the end. But, I look back now and think that was the easiest part of the year for I knew what I was doing and what needed to get done to finish the semester and my academic career. After graduation, I struggled looking for jobs and trying to figure out what to do with my life. I was also very busy with my work with the Elkhart-Goshen Sanctuary Coalition, training people in my county on how to show up in protest if Immigration and Customs Enforcement came to make arrests. These "Rapid Response" trainings brought a lot of meaning and passion to my life, but also took a lot of energy and planning. Our group also wanted to host an event to give out the Solidarity Hotline number to the community and this mini-festival ended up taking place one week before my wedding.
Jon and I got married in a beautiful outdoor ceremony on September 23, 2018 on Mt. Princeton near Buena Vista, Colorado. My grandparents built a cabin on Mt. Princeton in the early 80's and I have spent my life going there at least a week every year and from a young age, it has been my dream to get married there. We could not have asked for a more perfect weekend. Friends and family from across the country flew in to help us celebrate. The day itself had perfect blue skies and warm weather as we said our vows to each other. My parents officiated the service, which made it all the more meaningful. So many of our friends and family participated in the ceremony. For our reception, we went to the Buena Vista Community Center and enjoyed wood-fired pizza and a trail-mix bar. Instead of dancing, we had a corn hole tournament. After the reception, Jon and I stayed three extra days relaxing in the nearby town of Salida for a mini-honeymoon. So much energy and time went into the planning of this event and it was so gratifying to see the hard-work pay off and to enjoy the day with all the people I love most in the world, celebrating the sacred vows that Jon and I made to each other.
A week after the wedding, I began a new job as Care Facilitator for homeless individuals at a community mental health center. The past three months in this position have been extremely challenging for me. I have felt much like I did when I lived in Croatia. I am doing something completely new and not receiving constant positive feedback like I did when I have been in school. School always came easy to me and was something that I knew how to do and how to do well. Being in a new career, in a field I have not studied, I did not know what to do right away. I have had to learn essentially a whole new language and set of skills. The learning curve has been high and it has been hard to give myself grace for not being perfect at it. In my position, I create my own schedule as I meet with clients and find ways to help them find resources such as housing, mental health services, physicians, and most of all hope.
I think giving hope is the biggest part of my job and most difficult. I see people in crisis and walk with people through some of the most difficult times of their lives. I have learned that the majority of homelessness is caused by the lack of affordable housing. I don't have houses or apartments to rent out to my clients, but instead offer to walk with them their journey and assist them as they fill out applications and contact landlords. I listen as clients tell me difficult stories of difficulties they have gone through. I try to be there and be a support and tell them that life can get better. Some days I believe what I tell them as I have helped several people find housing and helped others get into needed medical services to address depression, anxiety, addiction, and other challenges. I have seen how a community can make all the difference in the world and how a little hope can go a long ways.
But there are others days I feel like I am giving out false promises and hope. My own faith is tested as I hear story upon story of abuse and witness injustice first-hand. I feel myself take on the burdens of my clients as I become emotionally invested in their lives. And it is hard. There is no other way to put it; my job is so hard. Giving out hope is hard in midst of an unjust world full of imperfect humans.
Through all these things, it has definitely been Jon who has brought joy to my life. He is a beautiful human being who is my biggest cheerleader and my closest friend and confidant. He holds me close on the days I come home from work crying and does his best to listen, but not try to fix my problems. He pushes me to be my best self, while loving me at my worst. He works incredibly hard at his job as a carpenter for a local non-profit, while lovingly renovating our own house on the evenings and weekends. I love him more than I knew it was possible to love another human being. Entering this marriage relationship has taken a lot of work and energy, but it is the best work possible. I have even learned to love when we disagree and fight because it means we are vulnerable and committed to making this work even during the hard times. I don't know how I would have made it through this year without him.
So here's to another year ahead. Here's to a year full of challenges and hopefully a year filled with hope. But most of all, here's to a year filled with love as I continue to explore the infinite abyss.
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