New Year but the End of an Era

          I did not intentionally take a break from blogging, but with finals week, a fairly uneventful holidays, and a busy start to the new semester, I have found myself not posting in over a month. I am afraid that this might be a trend as this semester is looking to have very little free time. I might not have any new positions, but my classes are harder and the workload has intensified. My classes this semester are: Occupy History (history of social movements in the U.S.), Introduction to Philosophy (to finish up my philosophy minor), Seminar in History, Theories of Peacebuilding, and Honors Senior Seminar. I have enjoyed all the classes so far, although none I am in love with. Peace Fellowship continues to take a lot of my time as I plan for events and conferences. Coming up in two weeks is the annual Intercollegiate Peace Fellowship conference at Bluffton University. I am excited for the conference and am happy to be presenting a workshop on conflict minerals to hopefully grow the movement for colleges and churches to be conflict free.
          I cannot believe I am in my last semester of college. This is actually really bitter for me. You see, I have dreamed about coming to college since I was five. I spent most of high school just wishing I was in college. And now that I have been here over three and half years, I have little desire to leave. These years have truly been the best of my life. I have had many ups and downs, but I have learned so much about who I am, made some incredible friends, and have had enough adventures to fill a book! (Or at least a blog :) I am not planning on posting any future plans until I have something set in place. Right now my plans are pretty shaky, so I would appreciate any prayers and support. I believe once I know what my next adventure is, it will be easier to leave EMU, but right now I am mourning the end of this era of my life. These are my last days in this place and it is hard to think there is something better on the horizon.
          

The Muslim Women I Met

“Each day of our life is a gift from our merciful God to realize that we are still alive to give Him our grateful thanks and try to discover new things to keep our universe sacred with a long lasting shiny light.” - Kanar (my fellow delegate and dear friend)

         One of the first things I noticed being in Turkey and Iraq is that not all women wear headscarves. When I read Baghdad Burning the author talked about how she considered herself a devout Muslim but made the personal choice not to wear a headscarf with exception of when entering a mosque. This was true of most of women I befriended on my trip. When someone brought up the fact and asked why they did not cover their heads, most would answer that Iraq is not Iran. However, there were still plenty (well over half the population of women) who did wear a head scarf or even the full burqa. However, although it would seem that women in Turkey and Iraq have more freedom by not being legally required to wear a veil, many expressed feeling the same oppressions of patriarchy.
          As I listened to the discussion, the women talked about how they felt oppressed. They talked about how the system of patriarchy started back during the hunter/gatherer period when women had to take care of the children while the men hunted. The men controlled the economic system and this patriarchal system has continued until today. The men have power and women can only act in the ways and borders that men define. My one friend discussed being a woman in the society was like being a bird within a birdcage. Turkey and Iraq might seem more free but they still operated under the same patriarchal systems. 
          However, these women do not blame Islam as the source of this patriarchy. Indeed, the women I encountered were some of the most Godly women I have ever met. They have such a high respect for God and the Koran and would talk so openly about their love for God. They did not find Muslim traditions and rules as suffocating or tedious, but rather found joy in their religion and the ways they could show their love and devotion to the God they worshipped. I was inspired by their faith and commitment. 
         Over and over again I heard how the myths about Islam and women were simply not true. One woman activist we met with talked about her work dealing with FGM (female genital mutilation) and honor killings. FGM has traditionally been viewed as part of Islam, although it does not come from the Koran, but rather earlier traditions. The activist discussed her work talking to local mullahs and trying to gain their support. Many mullahs agree with the activists that FGM is not Islamic or even healthy, but fear speaking out for the sake of their reputation. Most mullahs also condemn honor killings in society and many like the mullah I met, speak actively out against all types of violence and oppression. 
          And women in the culture are slowly finding their voice. I learned about how women are now becoming organized and in Turkey, are a key force in the Kurdish movement. More than 1000 women are in prison there with 25 taking part in the hunger strikes. Women are coming together in solidarity to act against the male-dominated system. In Iraq, women are working to let other women know their rights and educating a whole society. I was so inspired by all the women I came across who are letting their voices be heard and standing up for what they believe in. And these are the voices I want others to hear and know. 
          Below is the painting I have been working on. Although the original painting is from one of the missions in San Antonio, I felt like it could also be a mosque. I wanted to portray a Muslim women sitting in awe and love of her God. She is not oppressed but rather freed by the light and in total peace with herself as she sits in reverence. This is the faith I experienced from the Muslim women I met, and the faith I want to have. 

         
         

Social Change Project Introduction

         I am currently sitting in Common Grounds Coffeehouse in Bluffton, Ohio trying to get some homework done over Thanksgiving Break. This past week has been extremely busy as I have traveled over 2,000 miles, spending 35 hours in my car, and seeing 8 different states. Last weekend I traveled to Columbus, Georgia, for the annual SOA protest with six other students from EMU. I then drove home to Pandora on Monday for Thanksgiving Break. Wednesday I went to Detroit, Michigan for a concert with a good friend and am now spending some time relaxing and catching up on my to-do list. At the end of the semester, this to-do list gets very long. One of the items on my to-do list is my social change project for my Race and Gender class. I volunteered to go first next Thursday, so that means I really need to start working on it. The assignment is focus on the following questions and coming up with some sort of project:

"What issues are likely to shape your personal life, your community, academic and public discourses in this field in the coming decades?   What can you do or propose as a way of moving ahead in the areas of race and/or gender?

 This final presentation is an opportunity for creative expression.  It’s your space for looking ahead, taking action, reshaping policy and institutions, “doing something” tangible.  WHAT will be your contribution to changing society?"

My professor suggested to me from the beginning of the semester that I focus my project on something I learned while in Kurdistan. While I was over in Turkey and Iraq, I tried to look for ways in which race and gender played roles in that society and how they were different from my own culture, and especially how they were different than my own expectations. While racial issues existed in Kurdistan, I was more interested in gender roles and especially the roles women play in society.

        

          During the trip, I had a lot of interactions with Kurdish women and was able to hear some of their experiences living in the society they do. I believe that with our changing world and the spread of globalization, the issue of women within Islam is extremely important and especially in my own life as I hope to travel back to the Middle East after graduation and work within that culture. My contribution to this field and my way of moving ahead is telling some of the stories I heard from the women who have changed my life. By telling their stories on this blog and in presentations I do, I hope to little by little influence and change the way society today views Muslim women. Another part of my project includes expressing these stories through art. I have been working on a couple of paintings recently that give a glimpse of the beauty and peace of Islam, a glimpse that is not often seen in today's society. I hope to take these paintings with me to the places where I live and work and to be able to share the stories of peace and hope expressed in the art. 

Some of my artwork.

This is my first painting I did for my restorative justice class. I wrote the following about it:

 "Restorative justice to me represents hope; hope that a broken system can be fixed, hope that broken relationships can be made right, and hope that the oppressed can be set free. Throughout this semester, as I have studied RJ and trauma awareness, I have felt hopeful about the work being done in the world and the progress the discipline is maki

ng. Our time at the Grateford Prison also filled me with hope; hope in humanity, that good people exist in every part of the world and are able to remain hopeful despite horrendous circumstances.

The birds in my painting represent this hope that exists. One of the inmates read a poem while in Graterford that inspired my painting and my life. The poem by Emily Dickinson goes, "hope is the thing with feathers that perches on the soul, and sings the tune-without the words, and never stops at all. And sweetest in the gale is heard; and sore must be the storm that could abash the little bird that kept so many warm. I've heard it in the chillest land, and on the strangest sea; yet, never, in extremity, it asked a crumb of me."

This is one the paintings I copied this summer. I just love the colors and rainy day atmosphere.

Here is one of the collages I made for my friend Anna. She loves to travel so I wanted to include pictures of places that looked exciting and inspiring. They represent just part of the infinite abyss.

This is the special collage I made for my dad. He loves cars, so I collected some of his old car magazines and created this. I have to admit that it has been one of my favorite collages. 

I even added artwork to my room. These are my closet doors in my bedroom. I first drew the tree in with pencil, before taking black paint.

I painted this the night of Hurricane Sandy. It is based on a picture of the mountains in Kurdistan and the great beauty that encountered there.

Art: My connection with God

          This past week has included a lot of thinking and sleeping on my part. My emotions have been up and down and thus two things have happened: I have been sleeping more than usual and painting. Although I feel I have always been artistic, I never was involved in art in high school with the exception of 2-D art freshman year. My family never went to art museums and I worked more on crafts than I did art. However, this has changed a lot since coming to college. For some reason I started collaging. I love to cut up magazines and create posters to hang up. I have actually made quite a few and given them to close friends. I found that cutting magazines was relaxing for me and then finding the perfect way to put images together was like a puzzle. At first my dad thought I was crazy for spending my Christmas vacations cutting magazines, but when the collages come together even he could see the uniqueness in the art. I even made him his own special collage this summer, which he hung in his office.
          I also have begun to visit art museums. I discovered on a field trip my first year of college that I really like looking at paintings, especially more modern art. Somehow the art seemed to speak to me in a way that I did not understand, but was eager for more. My summer in San Antonio was significant in my life and can be characterized by my first visit to the San Antonio Museum of Art. The trip was in the middle of my time there and I had been struggling with my faith and who God is. And somehow in that museum, in the midst of the art and especially the paintings I had somewhat of a revelation. I wrote in my journal that day the following;
         "I fell in love today... at the San Antonio Museum of Art. The art struck a cord in me and I felt like I was seeing everything. The history, the beauty, all the people of the world. I found God. Because God is different than the God I was first introduced to. This God is bigger, more magnificent, and more personal than the God I once knew. This God is everywhere, in everything. This God is one of beauty, history, and all the people of the world. No one can claim this God. But am I a Christian? Yes, because Christian theology points to this God. The church is God's chosen people to show the beuaty to the world. Is Jesus the only way? I don't know... probably not, but Jesus is a human example of how to live one's life in a truly meaningful life. But above all, God is love- life truly lived is an outpouring of love. Love does not mean life will be easy or happy and often there is still tragedy. But this love consumes you and frees you all at once."
          That day I spent hours just sitting on the floor of the museum being filled with art and God. I went back there at least once more that summer to just sit and pray. And so art became intimately connected with God. During my time in Europe I got to visit a LOT of art museums. Being with a group and having to pay attention to specifics in the art work did not bring about the same feelings. However, during each visit, I tried to find a moment alone in the museums to seek out a piece I liked and say a prayer and just sit a moment to take it in.
          I was inspired to start painting myself last spring. I have never learned how to paint and never owned a canvas, but wanted to do something special for my restorative justice project. And somehow holding a paintbrush in my hand just felt right. This summer I bought more canvas and craft paint and copied some paintings that really inspired me. The more I painted, the more I fell in love with it. Especially after a hard spring semester, painting seemed to be a way for me to just relax, be myself, and connect with God without saying any words. I brought my painting supplies to school this semester and during the times when I find myself sinking into depression, I bring them out and start working. I mostly just copy paintings I find inspiring. I still don't know anything about painting, but it feels so natural and I find my stress melting away with every stroke.
          I did not plan to write about art today, but this blog post just kind of came out. I do not know how or if art will play a part in my future, but right now art is my way of talking with God. Art is my way of dealing with life when I feel myself at the edge of a cliff. In art I find joy. In art I find beauty. And somehow the world begins to make sense again.

The end of my delegation

          Well I am finally coming to end of my crazy days of blog posting. Please let me know if anyone actually read all of the posts... I would love to know who my avid readers really are! But anyways, I really wanted to leave some stories and background for those who have been a part of my life journey and were curious to know. I did not tell every single story, but I am sure many more will come out as I continue to reflect on this life-changing experience. For anyone who is curious about anything I have written, please leave a comment or shoot me an email at julias.nicole@gmail.com. I would really love to hear from you!

         So my last night in Suli was spent packing and a little crying. I cried because I didn't want to leave. I didn't want to leave that place where I felt at home. I didn't want to think about the possibility that I might never see it again. However I got through the next morning's closing worship and was taken to the airport to fly back to Istanbul for the night before flying back to the US the next day. I hated that night in Istanbul. I really wanted to enjoy exploring a new city full of history, but all I wanted to do was get out. I felt so empty after leaving Iraq and could not wait to leave the touristy area of Istanbul and just be home. 

         The flight back was really good for me. I was a mess when I boarded and even just reading back through my journal from the plane ride, you can tell the ups and downs of my emotions. I wrote near the beginning of the flight, "Honestly, I am scared to be back. I feel so different and I have no desire to be back. I don't know how to interact with people or what to say when people ask about my trip. Right now I just want to cry when I think about it. But this could also be my tiredness acting."

          But by the end of the flight I was feeling much better. My ending words from my journal sum up a lot of how I am feeling now as I work on processing and beginning to tell my story.

"Now is not the time to go into depression because I miss Iraq and heard a lot of heavy things. I need to look at the positive.... I learned so much and met some amazing people. I was entrusted with sacred stories and I now get to share theses with others. I learned more about myself and the world. I saw the best of humanity and am changed because of it. I need to keep focusing on the positive and like the mullah, I need to be at peace with myself and my actions and always be looking for the blessings of life."

Last full day in Iraqi Kurdistan

          The next morning it was my turn to lead the morning worship. During the trip, everyone got a chance to lead worship and everyone chose a different way to do so. I began mine by reading my blog post from a year ago. I had been in Europe and had been in a really bad place back then, deep in the midst of depression. My mom had sent me a prayer titled Gentle My Desperation that I posted on my blog (http://julia-exploringtheinfiniteabyss.blogspot.com/2011/10/gentle-my-desperation.html). I read this post and prayer to my delegation and asked them how they respond when they see the world at its worst. Others shared about their own feelings and how they too questioned where was God. It was in the midst of our shared brokenness, that I saw hope and I saw God. God was there in the midst of pain. God was there in our togetherness. God was there.
         The rest of the morning and early afternoon (with the exception of another meeting) was spent working on the press release. I posted this press release on my blog a couple of weeks ago. However, I did not say all the work that went into it. I wrote the release myself after input with several other delegates. We then as a group went through the release paragraph by paragraph to agree on the final wording and ideas. I have to admit that it was tough to handle the criticism of my work, but it was also very rewarding to come up together with a statement that the entire group could stand by.
         The meeting we had was with a women's activist. She presented us with a lot of information about FGM (female genital mutilation) as well as honor killings and the shelters set up in Kurdistan to help women. She gave us a lot of information, and in some later blog post, I hope to say more about the subject, especially since getting back I have had to read a book for my History of Middle East class on the subject of women in the Middle East. The meeting left me somewhat depressed for I had never realized the severity of the situation and exactly what was happening in that area to women because of long-held traditions. However, the woman we met with was a breath of fresh air as we heard her passion to help women and working hard to make Kurdistan a better place.
         In the afternoon, we went to the Culture Cafe in Suli for our press conference. I read the statement with a translator, then others in the group answered the press' question. Oh, we also ended with a song translated to English, as "Grant us peace." After the press conference I went with three other delegates back to the baazar. I loved this shopping trip! I bought scarves, spices, a teapot, and small gifts fro friends. On the taxi ride back we sang "I'm a little teapot" to the taxi drive. We were just being crazy and it felt so good. We then got into my friend Kanar's Mustang, put the top down and drove around Sulaimani in the dark singing Celine Dion. It was the perfect ending to a great trip.