My most read blog post to date was a post I wrote back in October of 2013 called "On Romantic Relationships" http://julia-exploringtheinfiniteabyss.blogspot.com/2013/10/on-romantic-relationships.html . In this post I wrote about my struggle with being single in today's society. I wrote how I felt abnormal and even embarrassed, but that I had come to the realization that I was happy being single and found so much meaning in life without having a romantic relationship. I wrote that I would not wait around for any guy but would live my life. For the last two years, I have done that. Although there were times when I still struggled with the abnormality of not ever having been in a relationship, I lived my life and went on crazy adventures. Seriously, since I wrote that post I have lived by myself abroad, visited at least seven other countries, started a grad school program, immersed myself in a new community, worked at least three different jobs, and much more. My life has continued to be full in every sense. I embraced my singleness and have been living out who I want to be in the world.
A little over 3 weeks ago, my relationship status changed. For the first time, I have a person in my life who I call my boyfriend. And in some ways, the world has treated me differently. The most common response I have gotten as I have told people about this is "Congrats!" And that feels weird to me. It feels weird because this word connotes that I am doing something good and meaningful in a way that I wasn't before. I don't think everyone means it this way, but it feels like I am now entering a new, more developed stage. One woman, who is really such a dear, told me that I was a late-bloomer like herself. I hated this because I think I have been "blooming" for a long time. And my thoughts on life and singleness hasn't changed.
I am in a relationship because I really like this guy and want to explore what this relationship could be. I am not in it because I wanted to change my relationship status or because I want to be able to tell other people that I am finally normal. I am not in it because I have now developed personally and am now ready for it. This relationship just happened and it is good because of the person I am in the relationship with. He is kind, caring, intelligent, funny, cute, and a bit ridiculous. I am happy, but I realize that I am not a different person because I am now in this relationship. I still crave adventure and am crazy busy with school, work, and traveling. I still hang out with my friends and develop deep relationships outside of him.
I am changing in the fact that all relationships change you. Different people come into your life and change things. And it turns out that being in a romantic relationship for me, brings out a lot of my insecurities. Like traveling, being in close contact with someone makes you realize some your traits that you don't like and don't see in other situations. In many ways, I would rather still be single so I wouldn't have to face these insecurities. I have worked hard to develop who I am and although I am not different because I am suddenly not single, I don't know who I am in this type of relationship. But being afraid is not a good reason to not be in a relationship.
I don't know where this relationship is going. I hate it when people jump to the future (even though I also do this). Right now, I want to just enjoy it and use the time to grow from this experience. I want to be able to recognize my fear and insecurities and to grow from them. I want get to know him better, but I also want to get to know a different side of me. This different side isn't better or more mature than single me, but just different. Like any experience I hope to grow and change from this experience. But I want people to recognize that I am still me and will continue being me. My views on relationship haven't changed in the sense that I think it is perfectly normal to be single and being single can fulfilling in whatever life stage you are at. Being in a relationship does not make you a better, more developed whole person. In actuality, I think that singleness does a better job at developing whole people. But it is something different for me and something that I am finding worthwhile to pursue. At least for now.
A little over 3 weeks ago, my relationship status changed. For the first time, I have a person in my life who I call my boyfriend. And in some ways, the world has treated me differently. The most common response I have gotten as I have told people about this is "Congrats!" And that feels weird to me. It feels weird because this word connotes that I am doing something good and meaningful in a way that I wasn't before. I don't think everyone means it this way, but it feels like I am now entering a new, more developed stage. One woman, who is really such a dear, told me that I was a late-bloomer like herself. I hated this because I think I have been "blooming" for a long time. And my thoughts on life and singleness hasn't changed.
I am in a relationship because I really like this guy and want to explore what this relationship could be. I am not in it because I wanted to change my relationship status or because I want to be able to tell other people that I am finally normal. I am not in it because I have now developed personally and am now ready for it. This relationship just happened and it is good because of the person I am in the relationship with. He is kind, caring, intelligent, funny, cute, and a bit ridiculous. I am happy, but I realize that I am not a different person because I am now in this relationship. I still crave adventure and am crazy busy with school, work, and traveling. I still hang out with my friends and develop deep relationships outside of him.
I am changing in the fact that all relationships change you. Different people come into your life and change things. And it turns out that being in a romantic relationship for me, brings out a lot of my insecurities. Like traveling, being in close contact with someone makes you realize some your traits that you don't like and don't see in other situations. In many ways, I would rather still be single so I wouldn't have to face these insecurities. I have worked hard to develop who I am and although I am not different because I am suddenly not single, I don't know who I am in this type of relationship. But being afraid is not a good reason to not be in a relationship.
I don't know where this relationship is going. I hate it when people jump to the future (even though I also do this). Right now, I want to just enjoy it and use the time to grow from this experience. I want to be able to recognize my fear and insecurities and to grow from them. I want get to know him better, but I also want to get to know a different side of me. This different side isn't better or more mature than single me, but just different. Like any experience I hope to grow and change from this experience. But I want people to recognize that I am still me and will continue being me. My views on relationship haven't changed in the sense that I think it is perfectly normal to be single and being single can fulfilling in whatever life stage you are at. Being in a relationship does not make you a better, more developed whole person. In actuality, I think that singleness does a better job at developing whole people. But it is something different for me and something that I am finding worthwhile to pursue. At least for now.
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