First, I want to say that I have never been in a relationship. And for the longest time, I have felt shame because of this. Our society is one that focuses so much around romance and couples, that it is strange when a twenty-two year old has never been in a relationship. I have often felt abnormal, and thus embarrassed by this fact. I hate to say it out loud, but I wondered if there was something wrong with me that no one seemed interested. My mentor would tell me that guys were intimidated by my self-confidence, but I never bought that.
But I am now realizing that I have nothing to be embarrassed about. In the time when others have been falling in love and worrying about crushes, I have been out living my life. I just graduated from college and had the best four years of my life! I do not need a romantic partner to feel whole. In the last four years I have done so much and learned so much about myself. Although I would have been open to a relationship, I can't imagine what that experience would have been like with one. Relationships take time, which means I would have had to give up something else during my time at EMU, and I can't imagine what that would have been. My life would be so different right now. And I honestly am really happy with where I am right now and would not want anything different.
As I have continued to ponder these things, I have come to the conclusion that even if I never fell in love, I would still have a happy, and fulfilled life. I admit that at some point I would like start a relationship and eventually get married, but I could do without. I have so many dreams and aspirations that are more important to me and the person I enter into a relationship with would have to want to see those dreams with me. I also have so many deep, fulfilling relationships with friends, that I don't need a romantic partner to make it through. I am deeply loved and cared for by so many people.
I also do not develop serious crushes very easily. There have really been only three guys that I have developed serious crushes for. Two of these have been in the last year. But with both of them, I developed the crushes, not because I feel like I need to be in a relationship, but because they are really great guys that have a lot of amazing qualities. I was brave enough to tell the last one how I felt and although it didn't work out, I felt so empowered by the experience. I was able to be vulnerable and express my feelings while staying true to who I am.
I don't know what the future holds. But I am finally at the point where I am comfortable with being myself and knowing that is enough. I am open to a relationship, but I am not living my life looking for one. (But don't be intimidated by this self-confidence!) There are so many adventures ahead of me and I cannot wait to see where life takes me!